TO the untamed wilds of the TV landscape we stray, stumbling upon a late night GB News programme titled Headliners, the scene of a heated weekend debate regarding the merits of further education.

The discussion, between a bunch of comedians, is hosted by a chap named Mark Dolan, who recalls enjoying himself thoroughly at Edinburgh Uni, though graduating with a less-than-perfect 2/2 in Politics.

He admits it was a “waste of taxpayers' money, for which I’d like to apologise. I’ll refund the money sometime”.

Panel member Leo Kearse recalls his own undergraduate days, bagging a Film and Media Studies degree from another of Scotland’s esteemed seats of learning.

Says Leo, dismissively: “No offence to the University of Stirling, but they don’t call it the Harvard of the north.”

With that kind of attitude, it’s a wonder Stirling let him keep his degree.

Cutting comment

DECIDING to grapple with the greenery in his overgrown garden, Ken McLean, from Denny, near Falkirk, concluded he would first need to buy a lawnmower to replace the elderly model he bought in 1985.

Like many canny customers, Ken first perused Which? magazine, which analyses products then advises on the best buys.

“I was relieved to discover,” says Ken, “that their reviews were all based on extensive field testing.”

Salad days

WE’RE discussing the discombobulating discovery that the universe is expanding faster than scientists previously assumed.

Says Norman Dryden, from Edinburgh: “Anyone who has ever chopped up a small cabbage and then surveyed the resulting mountain of greenery will know that, with the recent vast increase in the number of vegetarians and vegans, the universe has to expand to make room for the coleslaw.”

Money matters

DIARY correspondent David Donaldson was in Poundland purchasing spooky Hallowe’en masks (you are never too old to go guising). He spied two women complaining about prices rocketing on many of the items.

"The wey things are goin',” sighed one lady, “they'll have to ca' it ‘Used To Be A Poundland’."

Clocking off

BEING a thoughtful daughter, reader Melissa Roberts phoned her elderly father to remind him the clocks went back at the weekend.

“Oh goody,” said dad. “This is the six months of the year when my watch tells the right time.”

Loopy lingo

A MENTION of the peculiarities of a certain word inspires Eric MacDonald to ask: “Has anyone ever been overwhelmingly underwhelmed?”

Animal magic

IMPRESSED with her purchase of a new sat nav, reader Nicola Munro says: “It’s really accurate, for I drove past a zoo and it said ‘bear left’.”