Latin lesson

OUR impressed readers are aware that the Diary has correspondents spanning the globe… and beyond. We even have an embedded reporter on the dark side of the moon, though we couldn’t afford to buy him a spacesuit, so advised him to hold his breath while trekking the terrain. (We haven’t heard from him since he touched down, though we’re sure he’s fine.)

Brian Wadham hails from Erskine, though he’s very astute about Latin American politics.

“Just heard that Lulu is now President of Brazil,” he says. “That’s a long way from Dennistoun.”

Flight of fancy

PRIMARY teacher Jan McRae was helping pupils put up Halloween decorations last week when one clever-clogs kiddie glanced at a papier-mâché witch dangling from the ceiling and said: “Why do witches have broomsticks nowadays. Shouldn’t they fly on a Dyson?”

Dope or rope?

SUELLA Braverman’s illustrious Home Office career is remarkably similar to the Hokey Cokey. In, out, in, out. (Shake it all about… or make a grudging statement in Parliament about your numerous errors of judgment. Which ever gets you out of trouble quickest.)

Reader Moira Kane says: “All this to-ing and fro-ing from Braverman is bewildering. Wouldn’t it be easier to replace her with a bungee rope?”

Not a superman

THE linguistically-limber Diary mentioned certain peculiar properties pertaining to the words "underwhelmed" and "overwhelmed". We pointed out that both words describe the extremities of experience, yet you rarely hear of someone being merely whelmed.

This curious fact inspires reader John Robertson to say: “I wonder if, like me, there are people who are only averagely stitious as opposed to superstitious.”

Hard labour

WE mentioned the clocks going back last weekend. Reader Lorraine Kidd says: “It’s not a big deal. Unless you’re one of those unfortunate labourers at Stonehenge who had to shift the stones back an hour.”

Magical moolah

WE’RE deciding on a name for a Scottish currency, in the eventuality that our nation snaps free of the Kit Kat of nations that comprise the United Kingdom.

George Kirkland from Bearsden concedes that Spain has the rights to the Doubloon, though wonders if we might call our money the Brigadoon.

Says George: “It sounds Scottish, has a warm nostalgic feel to it, and you can make a song and dance about it – all things beloved by the SNP.”

Highs and lows

WE live in an era of industrial unrest, which has infected our readers. Snarls Martin Ashfield: “I quit my job at the helium factory. I won’t be spoken to in that tone.”