Fighting talk

A DIARY yarn set in the anarchic world of high school reminds Graham Fraser of a history class he once taught, where the topic was the Second World War, with a particular focus on the leaders of the combating nations.

“Today we’ll be discussing Churchill, Roosevelt, Stalin and Hitler,” announced Graham.

From the back of the class a voice piped up: “Worst boyband ever.”

Logical conclusion

MORE from the world of education. In his university days, reader Michael Roberts always visited the same hostelry in Glasgow’s west end, where he and a bunch of like-minded chums discussed the day’s lecture in philosophy.

They would sit at the bar and animatedly yak about topics as diverse as existentialism, logic and Plato’s theory of forms.

One day, the rather exasperated landlord of the pub turned to the group and, only half in jest, muttered: “You’re all barred.”

“Why?” asked one of the group. (Being a bunch of philosophers, this was a word they used rather a lot.)

“Why?” repeated the pub landlord with a contemptuous sneer. “Because you’ve all had too much to think, pal.”

COP that

LAST year the fist-shaking and handwringing of COP26 took place in Glasgow. This year the gnashing of green-tinted teeth has moved on to Sharm el Sheikh in Egypt, which leads to this thought from reader David Stevens, who says: “Haven’t the organisers missed a trick? They really should have called their meeting COPTIC 27.”

Madcap moniker

A DIARY tale about a curiously-named shop reminds Amy Johnstone of holidaying in Miami, where she spotted a high street business that specialised in leg waxing.

As this is an uncomfortable procedure the sign in the window boasted that relaxing songs were constantly played over a speaker to take customers’ minds off their agony.

Adds Amy: “Rather inevitably the place was called Waxing Lyrically.”

Movie manipulation

FOR the last few days we’ve been de-pluralising movie titles. If such antics weren’t silly enough, reader Charles Reynolds now suggests we add "ing" to movie titles to change the plot.

Thus he gives us: “Ironing Man, about a bloke (named Tony Starch) who invariably manages to get creases out of his rumpled shirts.”


MORE than 450 people took part in a consultation to name a new museum in Perth, and eventually chose… Perth Museum. Reader Grant Smith says: “Is this the same imaginative group that decided to name that orange, fruity thing the orange?”

Telling porkies

“EXPERTS say pigs are actually good at keeping themselves clean,” says reader Adam McCulloch. “but that’s hogwash.”

Read more from the Diary: Why Lollypop is happy to make tracks to a Glasgow railway platform