Jungle fever

MATT Hancock has proven himself to be a Tarzan for our times. Though admittedly without the hair, the flair and the yodelling blare.

The Conservative backbencher and former pandemic panjandrum has risen to the giddy heights of C-List celeb. He now finds himself in a faraway jungle alongside Ant & Dec, a double act who are not quite as hilarious as Liz & Kwasi, though they are a tiny bit taller than itty-bitty Rishi.

Not everyone can become a daredevil reality star like magnificent Matt, entertaining the nation on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.

Though there are many everyday heroes doing and saying extraordinary things, as the following classic yarns from our archives prove…

A tall tale

WISE words heard by a reader in a Clarkston coffee shop where a woman was telling her pal that she was worried that her young son was a bit on the short side for his age.

“Buy him an expensive new blazer,” her pal recommended, presumably from experience, “and watch him shoot up.”

Bum deal

AN older reader was reminiscing with pals about having to share a toilet on the landing with other families.

This chap, born and raised in Springburn, argued that there was one good thing about the communal cludgie. When his friends asked what that could have been, he replied: “You seldom got a cold seat.”

Computer says… yes

A PARTICK reader received an email from a gal pal who had decided to try an internet dating company and was now going steady with the chap she met within days of joining. Our reader thought it was rather witty when her friend wrote: “So you could say it was love at first site.”

The enemy within

A GLASGOW reader on a bus tour of Ireland told us that the driver kept talking about the misdeeds of the "Anglo-Normans".

“It puzzled me,” admitted our reader, “until I realised this was his way of describing the English without offending all the English people on the bus.”

Dead again

EVERYONE wants to be a comedian, it seems. A reader was in his doctor’s waiting room when an elderly gent arrived, flicked through a magazine on the table, and said: “Oh no! Winston Churchill’s dead.”

Scouring and devouring

A COUPLE of young chaps in a Glasgow pub were discussing a mutual friend who was apparently putting on a bit of weight. Eventually one of them declared: “I’m not saying he’s greedy, but he probably cleans the inside of his cooker with a slice of bread.”

Marital mix-up

A LARGS reader said: “As a greetings card wholesaler we came across many slip-ups, including the card titled: ‘To my husband’ which inside had the message ‘Sorry you’re leaving’.”