Glesga grabs glory
SOME surprising news, which the Diary will soon be storing away in that special drawer we keep for outlandish reports, which we label our "Wait… Wit? What?!" file.
For we are informed that Glasgow has been named the UK’s most Christmassy city, with Edinburgh coming in a disappointing sixth.
Results were calculated by highly-qualified boffins in white coats at Oxford University, so they must be true.
No, sorry. We misread the press release.
The survey was actually undertaken by an online jewellery store called Abbott Lyon, though we remain convinced of its unimpeachable veracity.
Even so, the Diary can’t help recalling a remark we once overheard about Glasgow’s annual city centre Christmas market, which was described rather pithily as: “Paddy’s Market with tinsel.”
Kiss and tell
THE mighty yet miniscule jockey Willie Carson celebrated his 80th birthday this week, reminding Ian Noble from Carstairs Village of the time he joined an audience for a Q&A session with the Stirling-born horseman.
After the usual fawning questions about sporting achievements, one audience member asked: "Willie, when you were winching, who carried the bricks?”
Rueful regal rebel
IN the 1970s households were advised to "Go To Work On An Egg". Gaping holes in supermarket shelves now make such an aspiration nigh impossible, and leads reader Jim Morrison to say: “I wonder if that student who threw four eggs at King Charles the other day is perhaps wishing he’d kept them.”
Taking the biscuit
WE mentioned a reader who enjoys a mug of tea, though without any sugar, milk or, indeed, a tea bag. (He just likes hot water mixed with a splash of cold water.)
Reader Jennifer Hay says: “I bet his favourite snack is a plate of biscuits, minus the biscuits.”
Oo, you think?
WE pointed out that most successful internet sites, including Facebook, Google and Yahoo, have a double "O" in their names, leading us to conclude that Elon Musk would have greater success with the social media company he recently bought if he renamed it Twittoo.
Campbell Fullarton from Kilmarnock agrees with our initial insight, though not our conclusion, and says: “Surely since Twitter is the space where wise owls express their opinions, it would be better if it were called Twoowitter.”
Marriage minimised
THE Diary continues its cunningly cockamamie plan to depluralise famous movies. Barrie Crawford looks forward to singing along with the musical… One Bride for One Brother.
Place name puzzle
GEOGRAPHICALLY-MINDED reader Donna Rachel asks: “Is Arkansas a Kansas just for pirates?”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here