The police are often described as the “thin blue line” between civilised society and chaos, and the people of North Glasgow are surely sleeping more soundly after two wrong-‘uns were busted by their intrepid local bobbies.
What had these criminals, these fiends of the underworld been up to, you ask? Dealing heroin? Gun-running? Horse rustling.
No, dear reader, it seems the pair had been involved in the illegal supply of… milk.
Hold on… milk?
Yes. The Glasgow North Police posted on their official Twitter account: “Two persons have been charged and will be reported to the procurator fiscal for numerous thefts of milk and other crimes of dishonesty in the Milton area”.
Two persons have been charged and will be reported to the procurator fiscal for numerous thefts of milk and other crimes of dishonesty in the Milton area. pic.twitter.com/EGBtFDOTHt
— Glasgow North Police (@GlasgowNPolice) November 22, 2022
It’s hardly Narcos is it?
Lactose perhaps…
And this is issue of the day because…?
The post went somewhat viral. It featured a row of frozen milk bottles – all whole or semi-skimmed if you were curious – and a stern looking police officer with his arms crossed staring at the offending dairy.
You’re going to have to describe this to me…
Basically the lad looks like he’s finally managed to bust the pint of semi-skimmed that killed his wife. He’s staring at it with the intensity of Jack Nicholson in The Shining, arms crossed sternly in front of his chest.
Why the hardman photo to go with it?
To show that they’re tough on cream, tough on the causes of cream.
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Is this column just a thinly-veiled excuse for a load of milk puns?
What an udderly ridiculous suggestion. The story has gone viral well outside of Scotland, with the officer in question well on his way to meme status. Then there’s the potential uses of all that milk – it could be turned into Lurpak with a street value worth millions. It’s no surprise the long farm of the law got involved.
Do we know who’s been charged?
The names of the alleged thieves haven’t been released to the public. Some have speculated Margaret Thatcher may be behind it, others fear the presence of dairy don Pablo Es-cow-bar.
Of course, it could just be some local kids who’ve lost their whey in life.
Is there a serious side to this?
Well, it’s hard to say. Some people have pointed out that Milton is a fairly deprived area, there’s a cost of living crisis going on and perhaps some people can’t afford milk – whether it’s the alleged thieves or those they’re hoping to sell the milk to.
Is that what people are saying on social media?
Well that and several female commenters hoping to hand themselves in to the muscle-bound cop in the photo.
With the whole world laughing at their expense, do Glasgow North Police regret posting the image?
What’s done is done. There’s no use crying over spilt milk.
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