In the drink

AS the name hints, GB News is a broadcasting channel with a vested interest in the survival of that rainy plot of land known as Great Britain.

Which puts it at loggerheads with Scottish nationalists, whose raison d'être is to dunk Blighty in the scalding hot tea of a referendum, in the hope that part of it drifts away, like a soggy digestive biscuit.

So it’s no surprise that GB News isn’t feeling particularly conciliatory towards the SNP, who received a blow to their fortunes this week when the Supreme Court ruled that only Westminster can call another referendum.

On hearing this, one GB News anchor – a shouty fellow named Patrick Christys – took a break from the rant he was giving to camera, sipped from a mug on his desk, winced, then said: “Bit salty that. Must be Nicola Sturgeon’s tears.”

Science for beginners

A DIARY tale about academic life reminds Alex McCardie of his career as a physics lecturer.

He was once asked by the head of his department to promote the benefits of further education by giving an evening lecture to a group of dignitaries.

Alex assumed it went well, until one local politician came up to him, and said: “No idea what you were going on about. But fascinating, none the less.”

Wet, wet, wet

EDUCATION, continued. As a youngster, reader Maurice West hankered to be a pop star, so asked his dad whether he should take singing or guitar lessons.

Dad advocated singing. Maurice asked why this was the preferred option.

“Because you can’t practise guitar while you’re in the shower,” explained dad.

Good sport

VISITING a Paisley pub, Ralph Smeaton overheard a young boozer boast to his pal: “I always told ma old gym teacher that one day I’d be at the same level as Ronaldo. Now I am. We’re both unemployed.”

Tudors trimmed

OUR campaign to depluralise classic movies continues. Comedy great Andy Cameron suggests a shortened version of a famous period drama about Anne Boleyn, which would be titled Anne of the Afternoon.

Stickler for details

CHRISTMAS looms most loomingly, meaning this year’s Herald Diary book is now in stores, including wise comments such as the following, from a reader who points out: “We brush our teeth with hair on a stick and brush our hair with teeth on a stick.”

Reckless rider

“EVERY morning, when I leave the house,” says reader Jean Findlay, “a bike comes out of nowhere and almost knocks me down. It’s a vicious cycle.”

Read more from the Diary: Those (very) cross border talks