GLASGOW is a magical city; a romantic location for young lovers to entwine coquettish fingers while strolling down the boulevards of bliss.

No, wait. That’s Paris.

Though Glasgow is definitely the Eternal City, where bold gladiators once battled each other to a grisly death.

Apologies. That’s Rome. (Though, to be fair, the Glasgow Gladiator does exist, and is often to be spotted wrestling his fellow warriors in the late night fast-food emporiums of Hope Street. Though it’s rarely a grisly death he faces, but an even grislier kebab, which he gorges upon after triumphing in hand-to-hand combat.)

It may not be Paris or Rome, but some people do divine a glam aspect to the Big G, as reader Caroline Hill discovered while alighting from a London to Glasgow train this week, when she overheard a couple chatting.

“It’s great to be back in Grand Central Station,” trilled the woman.

Her paramour gave her a quizzical look. “This isn’t New York,” he scoffed. “Just Auld Glesga.”

King-size feast

DISMISSIVE of turkey with all the trimmings, Brian Johnston from Torrance is boldly experimenting with a different main course for this year's Christmas dinner.

“We're having Good King Wenceslas pizza,” he reveals. “Deep-pan, crisp and even.”

Clowning around

AN educated youth is a marvel to behold. Though the occasional child would be better off unschooled.

Reader Helen Raynor was dining with her husband and 12-year-old son, and was excitedly telling hubby about a promotion she bagged that day at work.

At which point her son cut in by saying: “Your vainglorious hubris amuses me, human clown.”

A still dumbfounded Helen says: “I’ve no idea where he learned that phrase, though I’ve decided he’ll not be reading any more challenging books, that’s for sure.”

Doubling down

GRAMMATICALLY-MINDED reader John Butler points out: “Blink is the plural of wink.”

Garden galivanting

INSPIRED reader Brendan Keenan, who spends most of his waking hours devising questions of earth-shattering import to ask the Diary, gets in touch to ask: “If you went down to one of those big garden centres in Lanarkshire, beside the Clyde, and had a glass of wine, would it be a Swally in the Valley?”

Cinematic shivers

OUR readers continue listing the freezing films they intend watching to compliment the icy interiors of their homes this December.

Says Gordon Casely: “My choice of chilly viewing is that 1950s Alan Ladd classic, Hell Below Zero.”

Read more from the Diary: The bottom line on the benefits of tomatoes

Fun for all

“ANYONE know when the Sainsbury’s self-checkout Christmas party is?” asks reader Henry Barnes. “I’d love to go.”