A pure riddy

LEGENDARY Scottish broadcaster Paul Coia was manning a radio show, yakking about festive movie The Holiday, which features many famous actors, including Rufus Sewell.

This inspired one of Paul’s listeners to phone in and reveal he was in Sewell’s class at school.

“Aged15,” says Paul, taking up the story, “Rufus comes in with his hair dyed blond – but it quickly turned orange. For the rest of his time at school this future star was known as Ronald.” (As in McDonald.)

Doesn’t add up

A DIARY yarn about the daft things schoolchildren say reminds Brian Logan from Langside of a new teacher starting at the same school as him. “At the interval, I inquired how it went,” says Brian. “He told me that when he asked the class a maths question for the first time, an enthusiastic girl put her hand up, while yelping: ‘Sir, Sir, Sir!’

“When he asked for the answer, she said: ‘Sir, how much does it cost to send a pair of roller skates to Canada?’”

Darkness visible

THE philosophical nine-year-old daughter of reader Molly Robertson helpfully pointed out: “We’ve got light switches in the house. But they’re also dark switches.”

Double delight

CONVIVIAL Diary correspondent Shaun Clancy was in a hostelry in Glasgow’s west end, discussing with chums the subject of New Year resolutions.

“I’m not bothering with that nonsense this year,” declared one of the brotherhood of boozers, who added: “I’m already more successful than in my wildest dreams.”

The other chaps asked what he meant.

“Well, I’ve almost double the Facebook friends as my wife,” he smirked. “Result!”

Lashings of lashes

IN‘SIGHT’FUL reader Sylvia Travers points out that the main responsibility of an eyelash is preventing debris getting in your eye. “But nine times out of 10,” adds Sylvia, “when you get something in your eye, it turns out to be an eyelash. Which is pretty eyeronic.”

Boxed in

THE morose 48-year-old brother of reader Alex Cuthbertson visited on Boxing Day, and managed to chase away any frivolity and cheer that still happened to be lurking round the Christmas tree.

As a plate of turkey was placed in front of him, he merely muttered: “Now I’m middle-aged, I feel my life’s like Boxing Day nibbles. I’m just picking over the cold leftovers of a glorious feast.”

(And, no, he wasn’t offered a second helping.)

Read more from the Diary: Revealed: an upside to the high cost of living

Grave humour

A GRIM joke of the reaper variety, from reader Caroline Jamieson. “Where are mathematicians buried?” she asks.

The answer is, of course, the symmetry.