Puggled Pele

THE recent sad death of footballing icon Pele reminds retired politician Dennis Canavan of a kickyball king of a slightly lesser stature, the late John Lambie, who managed Falkirk, Partick Thistle and Hamilton Accies during his illustrious career.

Says Dennis: “When the physio reported from the touch-line during a match that a player was so badly concussed that 'he didnae ken who he was’, manager Lambie barked: "Tell him he's Pele and get him back on the park."

Rabbit redux

ONE of The Herald’s esteemed scribes recently wrote about tattoos, those rugged etchings that once only appeared on the forearms of sailors and bar-room brawlers, though are now de rigueur for high society debutantes and their well-connected beaus.

On a slightly less gilded note, Ian Noble from Carstairs Village says the Herald article reminded him of the bald chap from Shotts who had several rabbits tattooed on his head because he reckoned that, from a distance, they looked like hairs.

In the drink

ENJOYING lunch with his daughter, reader Brendan Keenan started reminiscing with her about school days, when she had been a pupil at Glasgow’s illustrious Hutchesons’ Grammar.

“She recalled a lad with whom she went to school whose name was Campbell Baxter,” says Brendan.

Perhaps inevitably, the poor fellow’s nickname at school was Two Soups.

Old friends

IN the Muirend Sainsbury’s the other day, reader Linda Moore overheard two elderly ladies chatting.

“I’m 78 in three weeks' time,” sighed one of the women. “I feel so old.”

“Not at all!” retorted her friend. “I’m 84, and what I’ll say to you is this… enjoy your youth.”

Shoe ballyhoo

IT’S the order of the boot for Kiwi shoe polish. A product that was once popular with the UK’s shimmery shoe brigade, it will no longer be sold on these shores because of a drastic dip in sales.

Diary correspondent David Donaldson – whose shoes are usually as polished as the prose he sends us – is devastated by this development.

“It’s really taken the shine off my New Year,” he admits.

Darkness visible

CULTURED Diary reader John Mulholland found himself listening to Classic FM the other day, when he had an inspiring thought.

“It occurred to me,” says John, “that a Glasgow business specialising in loft conversions could fit blackout blinds too. The advertising jingle would, of course, be Puccini’s Nae Sun Dormer.”

Read more from the Diary: Symmetry and making a grave mistake

A bad spell

AMBITIOUS reader Jennifer Menzies proudly tell us: “My New Year revolution this year is to improve my spelling.”