Darwinism delayed

THE first few days of January are primarily about personal development. In other words, new year… new you!

However, not everyone believes in the Darwinist principle, where you must forever be evolving and ascending to greater glory, like the clothes in Elton John’s wardrobe.

For example, Ian Noble from Carstairs Village says: “My manager accused me of not being au fait with modern technology.”

This charge came as a shock. “Me? Not au fait with technology?” harrumphs Ian. “Just wait until he gets the fax I sent him.”

Testy about taste

FORGET the headache of improving as a person. What you should really focus on is sprucing up your home.

But buying soft furnishings can lead to hard times, reveals Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie.

“Choosing new curtains can be a minefield,” shudders Malcolm. “When I suggested a particular fabric to my wife she rolled her eyes and said that I had no taste.”

Adds our correspondent: “That wasn’t what she thought when we were married 47 years ago.”

Spot the difference

OUR mention of sporting icon Pele, who sadly died recently, reminds Stewart Daniels from Cairneyhill of taking his late mother to the only football match she ever attended, which just happened to be Scotland versus Brazil, featuring Pele.

Proceedings got under way with 11 peely-wally individuals in navy blue shirts trudging onto the field alongside a group of gloriously glowing titans garbed in yellow tops.

“Which team is Scotland?” enquired Stewart’s mother.

A Glaswegian wag standing nearby quickly put her right.

“The wans in the tartan waistcoats, hen,” he said.

Saintly sobriquet

WE’RE discussing nifty nicknames. Eric Flack had a chum who worked in the clothing trade, who was known to one and all as The Vicar.

Why? Because he was a man of the cloth, of course.

Cut short

A TRAGIC tale. “My friend David had his ID stolen during the festive period,” says reader Veronica Harris. “Now we just call him Dav.”

Off-colour remark

A DIARY yarn about condiments reminds Celia McCurry of visiting a Glasgow cafe frequented by builders from a nearby site.

One builder asked for a roll and square sausage.

“Rid or broon sauce?” enquired the person serving.

“Disnae matter,” said the builder, which inspired the person serving to snap back: “If it didnae matter, wid ah be askin ye?”

Our reader heartily approved of this exchange, saying: “Typical Glasgow. Loved it.”

Basically brill

A CULINARY quip from reader Lisa Hunter, who says: “Nothing tops a plain pizza.”