Footy faux pas
EDINBURGH writer and ardent kickyball fan Irvine Welsh was a tad confused when someone asked him on Saturday who was going to win Sunday’s big match.
“I immediately thought that I expected Hibs to beat Raith and West Ham to defeat Chelsea,” he admits. “Then I was told about the women’s World Cup final…”
Munchable moos
CONVIVIAL reader Jane Davies was out in Glasgow’s West End on Saturday night with a group of gal pals. Approaching the end of the booze-addled evening, one of Jane’s friends made a startling confession.
“D’you know what?” she slurred, “I’ve always wanted a pet.”
(Okay, we accept this particular revelation doesn’t seem especially startling, but persevere faithful reader, the narrative is bound to perk up a bit.)
“Maybe get a dog?” said one of the pals.
“Or a cat?” suggested another.
“No, no,” said the first woman, shaking her head contemptuously. “What I need is a pet cow.”
The lady in question conceded that this might involve logistical problems as she happens to live in the top floor of a tenement block.
Though on the plus side, she added: “I just love the black and white colours. They’re like Oreo biscuits on legs.”
Flurry of fails
GLUM reader Audrey Robertson recalls her less than glorious high school career. “I ended up getting Ds in all of my Highers,” she admits. “Which was very D grading.”
Food for thought
EXASPERATED Ian Noble from Carstairs gets in touch with The Diary to wail: “Why is the hardness of butter proportional to the softness of the bread?”
Nickasso
A CULTURED chum of reader Ken Gibson was discussing Pablo Picasso the other day, expounding on the Spanish painter’s attitude towards his art.
“He admitted that he got a lot of his ideas from the work of others,” explained the chum. “In fact, he once said: ‘Mediocre artists borrow. Great artists steal.’”
Ken was impressed by this pithy quote, and replied: “Did Picasso really say that?”
“I’m not sure,” admitted the chum. “Probably just nabbed it from someone else.”
Groupie gorging
BEING a connoisseur of delicious cuisine and a fan of great music, reader David Donaldson has decided to combine both pastimes by rustling up a tasty snack while listening to his favourite tunes.
So later on today he’ll be enjoying… Crosby, Stills and Mash.
Pass on ass
“THE last time I visited Blackpool I went on a donkey,” says reader Andy Gillespie. “Took me ages. Next time I’m going by train.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here