Close, but no Ziggy-ar

DAVID Bowie visited Glasgow at the weekend.

That’s not completely true, for the shape-shifting pop star, who was never entirely of this planet, sadly left us for good in 2016.

So it was a chap imitating the great man who took to the stage of the King’s Theatre on Saturday evening in a musical extravaganza celebrating the best of Bowie, with the greatest hits performed impeccably.

Enjoying the show were a large number of ardent music lovers, though perhaps not all of them could accurately be described as hardcore Bowie fans.

For reader Harvey Smith was in the audience, sitting near one lady, who he overheard saying to a friend: “I bet he’s waiting until the encore to play Uptown Girl.”

Hard to swallow

MEDICALLY minded Paul Hughes tells us: “When I get something stuck in my throat I remove it with a hefty gulp of beer. I call it the Heineken manoeuvre.”

Footy fiction

WE mentioned French literature. Which reminds Jenny Shields of a night school class she once taught where she covered the great works of fiction and happened to mention Zola, who of course wrote numerous wonderful novels in the French language.

Such a sparkling position in the literary firmament didn’t prevent the class clown at the back of the class from shouting out: “Zola? Didnae he play up front fae Chelsea?”

Sound judgement

DELIGHTED reader Chris Robertson informs us that he has received his first pair of hearing aids.

“They’re certainly good value,” enthuses Chris. “I switch them on when I’m listening to the radio in the morning. When my wife enquires when I’m going to cut the grass, I switch them off, turning them into a perfect pair of earplugs. A two-for-one bargain!”

Transported by music

NOSTALGIC reader Julie Steele was reminiscing to her young granddaughter about the glory days of public transport, and happened to mention the man or woman in uniform who would regularly march up and down the bus selling tickets.

Julie’s granddaughter shook her head in confusion, then said: “What do you mean there used to be a bus conductor? You can’t conduct a bus. It’s not an orchestra.”

Hard to fathom

CONCERNED Jim Morrison was thinking about the crumbly concrete crises affecting UK schools and hospitals.

“I hope the stuff wasn't used to build prisons,” gulps Jim.

Big brekkie blues

“I ALWAYS get miffed when I don’t have any bread to go with my breakfast of a morning,” admits reader Lisa Hester.

“I guess I’m lack-toast intolerant.”