Old glory

AMERICA is a relatively young country, which possibly explains why there is no Stonehenge in Central Park and precious few moated castles along Hollywood’s Sunset Strip.

The people who govern the USA, however, are not especially fresh-faced and frisky.

Joe Biden has been in the politics game since the glory days when he helped George Washington evict the pesky Brits from their American perch.

That was in the fabled past, of course. Nowadays Joe he has all the vim and vigour of an antique hatstand.

Luckily he has an adult son, a chap named Hunter, who makes up for daddy’s vapidity by being a very energetic fellow, indeed.

Reader Nicola Munro says this has led to some interesting political discussions at home.

The other day she was watching an evening news report about Hunter’s busy life, when her husband turned to her and said: “I wonder if Joe Biden also has a daughter called Gatherer?”

Hard to swallow

MORE topical news. Reader Don Murphy notes that in Bristol a savvy entrepreneur has opened an alcohol-free pub.

Don wants to do something similar.

“I’ve decided to open a food-free restaurant,” he says. “Customers will get empty plates and a hefty bill. Perfect for rich people on a diet.”

Age of Enlightenment

THE Diary is celebrating Scotland’s marvellous education system.

Daniel McColgan from Bishopbriggs overheard a conversation in a Scottish cafe. Two chaps were ordering food and a member of staff asked where they were from.

One replied he was American. The other, although Scottish, said he lived in Paris.

The member of staff - clearly a scholarly sort, eager for enlightenment - enquired where that was.

The name game

THERE have been several violent incidents involving the American XL Bully, which has now been labelled a dangerous dog.

On a thankfully lighter note, reader John Mulholland spotted that a BBC report on the matter included an interview with a chief inspector from the RSPCA’s Special Operations Unit, whose name was… Ian Muttitt.

Boxed in

IT was the 60th birthday of reader Mary Andrews’ hubby at the weekend. He celebrated with a dinner party, where he made a speech to the assembled guests.

The highlight was when he said: “I always wanted to be someone off the telly. I was hoping I’d end up like Cumberbatch’s Sherlock. Or Steed from The Avengers. Turns out I’m Jim Royle.”

Jokey job jabber

AMBITIOUS reader Harry Bradley says: “I’ve decided to move to Seoul. It’s bound to be a good Korea move.”