This sporting life

WATCHING the cricket World Cup on telly reminds Ian Noble from Carstairs of his glorious career playing the game (yes, cricket does exist in Scotland although sightings of this elusive pastime are as rare as glimpses of that shy slice of mutant calamari that lives in Loch Ness, but back to the cricket…)

“I was selected for my school second eleven,” says Ian. “It was the second eleven because we didn’t have a third team.”

With an understandable amount of pride, Ian tells The Diary about the grit, determination and superhuman heroics that are required to be a mighty Scottish cricketer:

“A training session consisted of captain Jim throwing a cricket ball at you,” he says. “You didn’t have to catch it. All that was required was that you didn’t run away.”

Electrifying performer

A CELEBRITY tale. Of sorts. Reader David Donaldson tells us he came across a story about an electrician who bore a passing resemblance to pop star Elton John.

Says David: “All his workmates naturally called him Socket Man.”

Super-slick solicitors

FROM the world of celebrity to that of couture.

A sartorially savvy Diary correspondent recently pointed out that fashionistas who work in the legal profession tend to wear lawsuits.

Reader Jon Cossar has also been undertaking research in this area, and can now provide us with an answer to the question: “What do lawyers wear under their lawsuits?”

It is, of course, briefs.

Dodgy doc

PERHAPS readying himself for some exotic globetrotting, Doug Maughan found himself perusing reviews of a hotel in Karnataka, India, when he came across a contribution from someone who mysteriously identified themselves only as Dr.

The review read: "Food was not that great. They need to improve on it and add more local cousins in menu."

Says Doug: “From Dr Hannibal Lecter, I presume.”

Crises management

CAUTIOUS reader Rhona Bayliss says: “Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crises.”

Double doggie delights

THE Diary is improving the names of notable personages by giving them hound-like monikers. Generous Phil Graham from Knightswood provides us with two excellent suggestions.

First, there’s the legendary country crooner Collie Parton (who, of course, sang the catchy ditty about Barking 9 to 5.)

For the more politically inclined, Phil suggests the government's growly attack dog Grant Snapps.

Murky & muddy

SUSPICIOUS reader Lisa Hardy tells us: “I strongly suspect that someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens...”