Divine comedy

OUR more observant readers have noticed that former Prime Minister David Cameron has returned to frontline politics.

Unfortunately this means he’ll have to sacrifice the successful career he has forged outside the world of Westminster, which largely involved him sitting immobile in his living room, glaring at the wall, a solitary tear trickling down his cheek, while he repeatedly hissed to himself: “Brexit… bleedin’ Brexit…”

The Diary is delighted that Dave the Devine is back in public life. His resurrection reminds reader Alan Kent of Mr Cameron’s hug a hoody campaign.

Says Alan: “I always thought he missed a trick with that one. The PR hoopla surrounding it should have been labelled Cam Cuddles Bam.”

Morbidly muddled message

A DIARY reader tells us that unfortunately he has been dealing with a protracted health issue this year.

He was therefore somewhat taken aback when the message he was about to send to rendezvous with his wife used predictive text to change “Meet you back at the coffee shop” to “Meet you back at the coffin”.

Bedtime story

WE mentioned the district on the Isle of Lewis with the curious name of Back, which inspires Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie to tell us that his mother’s side of the family came from that neck of the woods, and he recalls a particular matrimonial story that took place there.

Says Malcolm: “When the telegrams were being read at the wedding of two of our neighbours, the best man laughed as he read out: ‘There will be no going back to Back tonight…’”

Roll with it

WE’RE figuring out what certain objects would be called if they had been named by the same bright spark who decided to call a two-way radio a walkie-talkie.

George Kirkland from Bearsden says: “Perhaps ladies’ heated hair rollers could be called curly wurlies… No, wait! I think Cadbury might have thought of that before. Well, back to the drawing board, or drafty-wafty.”

Rockin’ railway

AS many of you will know, there is a piano in Glasgow’s Central Station, which is free to play by any commuter who happens to have a tuneful touch.

Reader Bill Haggerty was listening to one musical bloke giving it laldy on the keyboard, when another chap enjoying the free concert said approvingly: “That dude’s got boogie in his woogie.”

Paper view

AMUSED Terry McGeary from East Kilbride says: “I was creasing myself the other day when a friend explained the manifold benefits of joining the local Origami Club.”