Herald Diary: Andy Murray the greatest? Nah, think again

Charles Stephenson disagrees.

“Andy’s pretty adept at that whacking a ball over a net malarky,” concedes our correspondent.

“But I bet he couldn’t chuck a pointy object at a hunk of cork hanging on a wall, while slugging countless alcoholic beverages.

“For that sort of high performance athlete, you need a Jocky Wilson.”

Dubious dinging

WE continue reporting on the energetic shenanigans taking place in France.

And, no, we’re not talking about all those Parisian boulevardiers exercising their elbows by glugging endless glasses of red and white, like Gallic versions of Jocky Wilson. (See above.)

We mean the Paris Olympics.

Reader John Mulholland is keeping a close eye on proceedings, and reports: “Swimmers are swimming, runners are running and gymnasts are, erm… gymning?  

“However, in the 21st century - with events being timed to the millisecond, and Artificial Intelligence making quicker, more accurate decisions than a human being ever could - why is the last lap of a race signalled by a person ringing a bell?”

Hammer time

OLYMPICS, continued.

We mentioned that if track and field was anything like the swimming competitions there would be athletes running the 100 metres backwards.

Notes reader John Munro: “It would also mean that hammer throwers would have to toss their heavy ball and chains behind their backs, which would inevitably mean the judge of the event lasting only a few painful minutes…”

Home truths

KIDS. They say the darndest things.

Paula Haines from Cumbernauld was looking after her granddaughter on Saturday afternoon, and mentioned to the 10-year-old that she would be visiting an old school friend later this month, who now lives in England’s Home Counties.

Paula’s granddaughter contemplated this intriguing information for a few beats, then said: “The Home Counties?

“Is that where the English keep all their homes? Aren’t they allowed to live anywhere else?”

David Donaldson spotted this intriguing sign outside the Inversnecky Café in Aberdeen. “I suppose they see themselves as coffee venndors,” says David. (Image: Contributed)

Blame the name

WE mentioned the classic novel, Brideshead Revisited.

Ed Davison admits being put off reading the book due to the name of its distinguished author, Evelyn Waugh.

“Waugh sounds like the sort of noise you make while clearing your throat of an oozing gob of phlegm,” says Ed. “Evelyn should have done the decent thing and changed his second name to Smith.”

Off the rails

QUESTION of the day from reader Nick Mowbray, who asks: “Do bad railway drivers need more training?”