Fishy goings on
WE mentioned the difficulty some folk have understanding the aquatic world. Which reminds Robin Mather from Musselburgh of the following conversation.
Chap 1: Can you name three fish that begin and end with the letter K?
Chap 2: Um… no. Can you?
Chap 1: Killer Shark, Kwik Save Haddock and Kilmarnock.
Chap 2 (suspicious): Kilmarnock?
Chap 1(triumphant): Well, it’s a plaice.
Colour coordinated
FORMER Labour MP Sir Brian Donohoe has read reports of the Scottish Green Party being allegedly caught ‘red-handed’ requesting money for access to their top politicians.
“Shouldn’t that be green-handed?” muses Sir Brian.
Road to ruin
SOME of our readers don’t drive, though they have ambitions to do so in the future.
The following story from Jim Scott should prove useful to these people, and we suggest that they study it carefully, take copious notes, memorise the salient details, then vow to ignore everything Jim says.
Only then will they have a chance of passing their driving test.
Take it away Jim… “The first time I sat my test in Shettleston,” says Jim, “my instructor told me to be wary of the examiner, as he’d try to take me the wrong way up one-way streets etc. So I made sure that I listened carefully.”
As they were driving along, the instructor said to Jim: “Take the next on the left.”
Jim did as he was told.
It turned out to be the car park of Stewarts and Lloyds Social Club.
The instructor said: “I told you to take the next road on the left.”
“No, you didn't,” retorted Jim. “You told me to take the next on the left.”
Realising it was a bad idea to argue with an examiner, Jim added: ‘You don't fancy a pint since we’re here?”
Jim did not pass his test that day.
Jog on
AN exasperated Newton Mearns reader recently told us about one of those irritating folk from the jogger tribe who he spotted from his window, jouncing and flouncing along.
Ian Barnett says: “I’m told that in some other parts of the UK, when joggers are spotted running past the window, the watcher waits a little while to see if they have a policeman running after them.”
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Cops… continued.
A BEMUSED Bishopbriggs reader asks: “When policemen in Jersey spot a motorist exceeding the speed limit, do they shout through a loud hailer, ‘Pull over, please’?”
Same old story
OPTIMISTIC Claire Stewart says: “I’m a kid at heart. And a senior citizen in the knees, hips and back.”
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