Barking
GOOD to see the Chic Murray play at Oran Mor this week, A Funny Place for a Window, getting a five star review by Herald critic Mary Brennan. Chic is played by Dave Anderson who actually lived a few doors away from Chic in the west end. Dave once told me he was standing outside his house one night when Chic walked past, obviously heading to the pub for a quick one before they closed.
Chic though caught Dave’s eye and told him: “Just out walking the dog.” The thing was, Chic didn’t have a dog. But to enhance his tale, every few yards he would stop and whistle on his imaginary mutt to catch up with him.
Disney matter
WE asked about meeting someone famous, and Andy McConn tells us: “Working in the US in the seventies, we decided on a family visit to Disneyworld at Orlando. After a hectic day my wife was relaxing on a bench on Main Street and I decided to take the kids for an ice cream. On the way back we met Goofy and had a long (one-sided) conversation. Back at the bench we excitedly reported our celebrity meeting. My wife said that was nice, and added that she had been talking to a golfer that she thought was called The Bear. Yes, I was schmoozing with Goofy while my wife was chatting to Jack Nicklaus.”
Hazard a guess
RELAX, the Royal Wedding will soon be over. There is much speculation on whether the bride’s father will turn up. A reader in Ayrshire says a member in his golf club declared: “He’ll be a typical American – turn up late for the big show and claim all the credit.” And another reader wonders if Harry, after marrying a fetching American TV actress, will be given the title Duke of Hazzard.
Seeing red
IT’S the 10th anniversary of the death of Celtic player and manager Tommy Burns, who is still remembered with affection by all who knew him. Former Rangers player Ally McCoist recalled the other day that when they were both in the Scotland team, the squad was assembled in St Andrews for a “Show Racism the Red Card” photo opportunity.
Ally, as usual, was late, much to the rest of the players’ chagrin.
“I go ‘sorry lads, sorry lads.’ They are all raging at me, raging. So I go to sit down but I don’t have my card to hold up for the picture. Tommy leans over and goes ‘Haw, gie that Orange b****** that ‘Show Racism the Red Card’ will you?’ Brilliant! I mean what a line.”
A bit potty
OUR soldiers’ tales remind retired police officer Alan Barlow in Paisley: “I used to work with a chap who had been a tank crew member towards the end of the war.
“He loved telling the story of being billeted with a French family when one morning the attractive lady of the house came downstairs wearing nothing but a commode. We never ever corrected his story.”
Salad days
A READER in London was discussing Liverpool’s European Championship final in Kiev this month, when an English colleague told him a story about Liverpool’s star striker: “I hear that all the Mo Salah shirts are sold out in Scotland. Scotch lads were buying them as they thought they said ‘No Salad’.”
A bit sniffy
TODAY’S piece of daftness comes from a reader who emails: “Do you think that in Africa they have a deodorant called Lynx UK? And if they did would it smell of cigarettes and mild disappointment?”
Stop the bus
A COLLEAGUE comes over to tell us: “I’ve discovered a cure for my fear of flying – 23 hours on a National Express coach.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here