Made a Bond

MEETING celebrities, continued. Says David Martin: "A group of pupils from the now defunct Menzieshill High School were at Glasgow Airport prior to boarding a flight to America for a football tournament. One of them spotted Sean Connery beside a short, plump man and asked Sean if they could get a group photograph. He agreed. The kids gathered around him and several cameras were handed to his companion who took the photographs.

"As the group left they all thanked the photographer, without knowing he was Alex Salmond, First Minister at the time."

Coining it in

THE HERALD news story that the grounds of Burns Cottage are to be planted with the crops of his era makes our mind wander to when Alex Ferguson owned the other Burns Cottage - a pub on Glasgow's Paisley Road West. No idea what it's called now. We just remember a woman telling us that there was a band playing at the Cottage one night and they were all invited to someone's party in Govan afterwards. There was a sing-song and when the band's singer was asked to give them a number he loftily declared that he only sang for money. A penny was thrown at him with the instruction "Now sing." He did.

A dog's life

THE Diary story of comedian Chic Murray's imaginary dog reminds Norrie Christie of a similar incident when he met Chic in the reception area of the STV studios. As they chatted, Chic looked down at the floor and said, 'Will you sit down when I’m talking to someone'. When the receptionist called for Norrie he couldn't stop himself from patting Chic's imaginary dog on the head and saying goodbye.

Paws for thought

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a reader who emails: "If dogs could text you, they would fill your phone up with constant messages, 'When you coming home?' "Where are you?' 'Are you nearly home?'

"If cats could text you, they wouldn't."

Story leaked

OUR stories of excuses for being late remind Mike Shand in Elgin of his first job after uni in Liverpool. It was decided that all staff, apart from managers, who arrived late had to write down the reason, and many of the Scousers objected to this discrimination. Says Mike: "The final straw came on a particularly wet day. Many of the staff lived across the Mersey, and took ferries to Liverpool in the morning. A considerable number were late that morning, and all wrote down a variation on the theme 'Canoe sprang a leak'. The very next week, management cancelled the need for staff to give reasons for lateness."

Shopped him in

FED up getting pestered by shop assistants? An Ayrshire reader tells us a chap in his golf club told him: "Was walking around a store, trailing after the wife, when as assistant came up and asked, 'Can I help you find something?' I replied, 'A reason for living.' Got left alone after that."

Getting shirty

HACIENDA Classical, which is the rave music of the legendary Hacienda club in Manchester, but played with an orchestra, is at the Braehead Arena this Saturday. Original Hacienda DJ Graeme Park, who is performing on Saturday, tells us: "Back in 1989 the amazing Fever club in Aberdeen contacted The Haçienda to book me. At the time, most people assumed I was English and it wasn't until I arrived at Aberdeen Airport and was met by the club promoter Mike Grieve that I told him I was really excited to be DJing in the city I was born in. I unbuttoned my jacket to reveal a red Aberdeen FC football shirt and asked him what the response would be if I did the same in the club? He said they'd go absolutely wild, and they did. Big time."

Alas they are not in Saturday's cup final, so probably no need to wear the shirt this weekend, Graeme.