Feeling entitled

LOTS of folk enjoyed the Royal Wedding, although there were a few eyebrows raised at Prince Harry being made the Earl of Dumbarton. As Stephen McGowan commented: "Being made the Earl of Dumbarton as a wedding present? I’d take the toaster."

And council cut-backs in local services led to Alan McGinley stating: "I live in West Dunbartonshire and the fact that Harry is now Earl of Dumbarton has unleashed a fury of expectation among the locals that the bloomin' grass might actually get cut."

Rocking it

FULL marks to reader Jim Scott though who has managed to combine the Royal Wedding and our recent stories about comedian Chic Murray. Says Jim: "The news that Harry has been bestowed the title Earl of Dumbarton reminds me of the Chic Murray comment, 'A man said to me if you sit here you can see Dumbarton Rock. I sat there all day and it never moved an inch'."

Speaking up

WE overhear a woman in the West End tell her friends: "I always think that if people are going to argue loudly in public on their mobile phones, the least they can do is put it on speaker-phone so that us passers-by can hear both sides of the argument."

No Stone unturned

MEETING someone famous, continued. Amongst the original line-up of the Rolling Stones was Scottish blue pianist Ian Stewart. Reader David Corstorphine tells us: "In the early sixties my granny and her sister, my great-aunt Phemie, worked at one of the knitwear factories in Cellardyke. One day, four young men or, as Phemie recalled, 'long-haired Nellies', arrived at the front desk, where Phemie was stationed. The men wanted in to speak to the lassies but Phemie refused them entry. 'Do you know who we are?' asked the blond one.

"Phemie told him, 'Ah'm no carin' whoa ye are, yer no' gettin in tae spaik tae the lassies an' disturb their work!' At that point, management arrived and apologised to the Rolling Stones, who were in the village to meet founding member Ian Stewart's Aunt Helen, and had agreed to visit the factory. I don't think Phemie ever appreciated how famous these long-haired Nellies would become, nor that she spoke so forceably to Charlie Watts, Keith Richards, Ian Stewart and the late Brian Jones."

A conundrum

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from a reader who asks: "How many Countdown contestants does it take to change a BLIHBULGT?"

Lost it

AS others see us. David Watson in Cumbernauld wrote a letter to the Toronto Globe and Mail praising Canadian honesty after he lost his wallet when over for a wedding, and a local got in touch to say he had found the wallet, refused a reward, and returned it with Dave's money intact. His letter in the paper prompted a reply from a local who wrote: "David Watson's rare ignominy of being a Scotsman and losing his wallet is doubled when it's revealed that he actually had some money in it..." As David tells us: "I resisted the temptation to respond that my wife’s credit cards were ok so she had to pay for the entire trip. 'Result!' as your average Scots male would say."

Sounds funny

A READER emails The Diary yesterday to tell us: " I have to assume Lionel Richie wrote the lyrics 'Easy like Sunday morning' before he had kids."


WE ask a reader in America about the high crime statistics in his country and he replies: “We’ve only ourselves to blame. After we got rid of the phone booths Superman had nowhere to change.”

Pic capt:

"Guy in Sauchiehall Street tried to sell me a special Harry and Meghan souvenir bag for a tenner," says a reader. "Think he was at it."