FOOTBALL became a political football in the House of Commons yesterday. Strictly speaking, off-pitch rather than on-pitch activities dominated discussion, though for the umpteenth time the “whole House” was invited to admire how brilliant England had been and to take example from the way they had dived for penalties, declined friendly handshakes from their Italian opponents, scowled where the Azzurri had smiled, and petulantly refused to wear their losers’ medals. Marvellous.

Off-pitch, it was a whole different ball game. Here, alas, black players who’d missed penalties suffered online racist abuse, some of it from abroad. And then there was the whole vexed question of Taking the Knee (TTK), which some fans had booed during the tournament.

At Prime Minister’s Questions, the allegation was that blame for much of this sort of thing lay with Her Majesty’s Government, if not through direct racism, then at least through ill-advised comments or apathy or, you know, being literally Hitler.

Labour opposition leader Keir Starmer kicked things off by asking the PM if he thought it right to criticise taking the knee as “gesture politics”, like his Home Secretary had done.

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Boris Johnson, who incidentally looked like he’d gone through a car wash and forgotten the car, wholeheartedly condemned racist behaviour surrounding the tournament and said his Government would amend football banning orders to include online abuse.

He went on: “We made it absolutely clear that no-one should boo the England team”, meaning racists and not, you know, decent sporting Scottish people. And he pointed out to Sir Keir that Priti Patel, the Home Secretary previously mentioned, had faced prejudice in her career that the Labour leader could scarcely imagine.

The PM added that, only the previous evening, he’d met major social media representatives and had wagged his finger at them in a marked manner.

Mr Starmer wasn’t sure a “15-minute chat at a garden party” would have changed anything and, as for Ms Patel, while he condemned any prejudice she’d suffered, she had been “wrong” in her approach to this issue. Both she and Mr J must surely now regret having considered TTK a matter of choice.

Boris, obviously aware that this vexed issue would raise its ugly head, reached Tommy Cooper-like into his box of magic tricks and produced a Labour leaflet from the recent Batley and Spen by-election which, he said, featured “dog-whistle racism”.

But the Labour leader merely continued to hound him on the issue of “trying to stoke a culture war”, and asked rhetorically: “What is it that this England team symbolises that this Conservative Party if so afraid of?”

As for “gesture politics”, he added that the worst example during the tournament had come when the PM had worn an England top over his shirt and tie. Fair point. You couldn’t imagine the Italian prime minister making such a sartorial pillock of himself.

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Speaking of which, from deep within his waistcoat-cum-corset, SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford produced a quotation from Boris’s dodgy, devil-may-care (until elected) past in which he referred to Africans as “flag-waving piccaninnies with watermelon smiles”.

He went on: “The legacy of the Prime Minister’s dog-whistling has followed him into 10 Downing Street.” Was that a reference to Carrie’s mutt, Dilyn? What’s he ever done? Whatever it was, Mr B wanted to know if Boris still stood by “his Government’s belief that systemic racism is not a problem throughout the United Kingdom.”

The PM averred that it was easy to take his previous indelicate indiscretions “out of context” – oh, I see – and that, far from being racist, the Conservative Party represented for many ethnic minority people “hope and opportunity”. That’s right. They hope the next election will provide an opportunity to get rid of them.

Which is a tad unfair. PMQs was followed by an urgent question on the same issue, during which Home Office minister Victoria Atkins and a succession of Tory MPS spoke out passionately against racism. Ms Atkins’ only real mistake was to refer repeatedly to Gareth Southgate as England’s “captain”. He’s the manager, madam. Oh, the perils of pretending to speak knowledgeably about football.

A less gallant gentleman than shadow home secretary Nick Thomas-Symonds might have taken the opportunity to ask Ms Atkins to explain the offside rule, but instead he wanted to know why Ms Patel was not present to face questioning. Long-standing engagement, explained Ms Atkins. Victims of domestic abuse.

And so, as the floodlights went down on Westminster, and the last hooligan was ejected from the stadium, we reflect on how times have changed. Somebody has to mention 1966 and, when you think back to the last time England won a major tournament, politics rarely came into the game.

You never heard Nobby Stiles talking about the Common Market nor Geoff Hurst’s view of the underlying rate of inflation. Today’s players have a voice and – who knows? – perhaps one day they’ll turn up in the Commons, where at least they’ll be able to tell the manager from the captain.

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