As imagined by Brian Beacom

IT feels appropriate to talk to you in this week of all weeks, when Glasgow has been the focus of world attention, where events could determine the happiness, indeed the future, of those at the centre of the greatest dilemma we are likely to ever face: what will happen to Rangers now that Steven Gerrard has gone?

I saw this coming you know because I have the gift of prophecy.

Now, you may think I just sit here all day long listening to Megs talk about ways we can capture headlines or grab a few more bucks from Netflix for another pointless documentary. But that’s not true.

She also has me feeding the chickens. And sometimes I have these, like, flashes of clarity.

For example, the papers have picked up on the story about my warning to the Twitter boss the day before the Capitol riot. I said that his platform was allowing for political unrest.

Sadly, I’ve been mocked for this. Some even said that the Scottish hermit bloke who lives on seaweed and tree bark and hasn’t seen a TV for 40 years could see that Twitter was enabling a right-wing nutter in the White House.

But the point of the story is that I saw it first, and I keep on seeing things.

I certainly predicted the accusations of Tory sleaze that have been running all week.

How? Well, do you think you could grow up with Uncle Andrew and not have an acute understanding of what the word means? And there’s my dad’s top aide having to quit over the cash for honours scandal.

READ MORE: Brian Cox: 'I used to think the Scots Nats were a joke'

I could definitely have predicted the alleged drinking session on the politicians’ trip to Gibraltar, where it’s claimed (by the Tories, to be fair) one person was so out of their trolley they had to be wheeled through customs.

Come on, I know it's been vehemently denied but put a group of very thirsty locked-down people on a plane, coming out of Glasgow, fly them off to the sunshine on a freebie – and what do you expect?

But I must now also predict the positives to come out of all of this. This was a cross-party glug fest. And isn’t it wonderful our politicians can find common agreement over how to deal with the problems of two-hour flight boredom?

Look, sorry, I really must go now. Megs is hovering, and she’s still in a fizz about being caught out about the book authorisation and the media suggesting she has a memory like Nicola when it comes to the really important stuff.

READ MORE: Rangers star Nathan Patterson shrugs off impact of Steven Gerrard exit

But first I will tell you how I, with my uncanny Notradamus instinct for telling the future, knew that Stevie G was off to Birmingham to play for my big brother’s favourite team?

No, poker-up-the-bum William didn’t tell me. I happened to overhear that the Rangers manager had been buying old Crossroads and Peaky Blinders DVDs, even listening to ELO albums. I ask you, as my Uncle Andy so often says, what more proof do you need?