A TEACHER in a classroom asks her pupils what they want to do when they grow up. Max raises his hand: “I want to be a teacher like you!”.

Good, Max. You will need at least three Highers, including English, and at least 2 National 5s, including Maths, in order to be admitted to your four year undergraduate degree, which will be followed by a one year postgraduate degree, and a further year as a probationary teacher.

After these six years of higher education and training, you’ll be paid just under £33,000 a year. At some point in later life, you might become a Headteacher, and reach point 13 on the Headteacher pay spine – that will earn you a handsome salary of over £80,000. But be warned – you can only get there if you become a Head, and lots of Heads will never reach that pay point (you’ll start as a Head on just over £50,000).

Nonetheless, during your career you will be responsible for the education and welfare of thousands of young children. You will play a significant part in shaping their future long after they’ve left you. You will shape the future of Scotland’s economy and society – education matters more than any other public service in this respect.

Eva raises her hand next. “I want to be a doctor”. Okay, Eva. You’re going to have to put the work in, young lady. Officially, you’ll need four As and a B at your Highers, but in reality the competition is so stiff that you’ll need five As as well as showing a significant amount of extra-curricular dedication to your chosen profession.

If you get to university, you’ll do a five-year degree, and if you pass your final exams you’ll do two years of ‘foundation’ training. After that seven year period of education and training, you’ll be a real doctor and earn just over £40,000.

You’ll have to pay for your professional registration fees, your insurance, your membership fees and your examination fees (yes, you’ll be taking exams for another seven or eight years, Eva), which will add up to a few thousand pounds every year, and of course you’ll work hundreds of 13-hour shifts, including overnight.

You’ll watch people die, explain it to their families, and support them in the most distressing, private time of their lives. You’ll also constantly learn, research and contribute to the advancement of healthcare, and the efficiency of a service which requires more public expenditure than any other.

Like Max, you have a chance of earning £80,000 a year, but you’ll have to be a Consultant, which is a further eight years of training away. So, if you put off having a family, you’ll get there by your early 30s.

Toby raises his hand. “It seems like you need to get really good grades at school, go to university for ages, do additional qualifications after, and then also work your fingers to the bone for years and years before you can earn £80,000. Isn’t there an easier way to do it?”.

Why yes, Toby. You could be a train driver.

Driving a train is a very important job. You are directly responsible for the safety of hundreds of people. You are involved in an industry which is a key part of the journey to net zero. However, and there is no reason to be afraid to say this out loud, it requires only a fraction of the academic ability, professional qualifications, time and dedication that other, much lower paying public service jobs require, nor does it require more skill, nor does it confer more social or economic benefit.

Train drivers need to be able to show that they can read, and display some basic maths skills, but they do not need a school-level academic qualification. They need to pass a medical to prove that they can see well, and are in reasonable health. They need to be 21 years old. And they need a year’s training. One further year down the one, their basic salary is almost £50,000.

And, as The Sunday Times revealed last week, with overtime, ScotRail drivers are earning up to £80,000 a year.

That’s not just more than the teachers and doctors aforementioned. If you’re a police officer in Police Scotland, you’ll need to be a Chief Superintendent before you earn that sort of money. You can’t earn £80,000 as an MSP – you’ll have to be a government Minister before you can top that.

And yet, here we were faced with the prospect of train unions striking unless they were given a ten per cent pay rise. Ten per cent.
Our country was being held to ransom by these modern day pirates. They smelt blood, they saw weakness, and they were ready to exploit it because they think that they should be running the country. They see their rightful place as the puppet masters of the politicians that we, the people, elect to do the job.

The pirates and their ravenous acolytes let their guard slip while abusing me on Twitter last week, when I compared the salaries of train drivers and doctors. Their answer? Let’s infiltrate the British Medical Association and make them militant. Let’s make doctors strike for more money (the existence of the Hippocratic Oath, apparently, is an irrelevance).

The pirates want to own and run the economy and society. They are strongmen, pushing for a return to an analogue country in a digital world. Trains shouldn’t run on weekends. Why are teachers working Mondays and Fridays? Does A&E really have to be open overnight?

The Scottish Government can, and must, put a stop to them.

In the case of the rail dispute, they can tell the pirates to take it or leave it. Not a penny more. The public will be on the Government’s side.

But in the longer-term, we need an independent public sector pay commission comprised of workers representatives outside of the current trade union movement, the civil service, academia, industry and the HR profession, to set proportionate, fair salaries, commensurate with the abilities, qualifications, training and experience required to do the job, and accounting for the cost of living in different areas of the country.

Give the pirates an inch, and they’ll take a mile. They always do.

Andy Maciver is Director of Message Matters and Zero Matters