Even by the standards of the 2022 Conservative Party, Suella Braverman is a divisive figure. While some call her heartless, others call her heartless and inept. 

Having set a low bar with recent comments about Rwanda, Tuesday saw her make an audacious limbo attempt with her take on disruptive protests.

I’ll inevitably end up cringing regardless, but you might as well give me some context. 

Braverman was defending the government’s Public Order Bill, which has proved controversial on account of late amendments.

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What would these late amendments do?

They would make ‘locking on’ (in which protesters attach themselves to a person, object or land) an offence, allow the banning of protests and give police powers to stop and search peaceful protestors without probable cause. 

Doesn’t banning protests sound a bit fasci-

Fascinating? Yes, very fascinating.

Did Braverman acknowledge that these protests are often a direct result of a collapse in rights and living standards on the watch of a government that has been in power for over 12 years?

She told the House of Commons that: “Yes, I’m afraid, it’s the Labour Party, it’s the Lib Dems, it’s the coalition of chaos, it’s the Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati, dare I say it’s the anti-growth coalition that we have to thank for the disruption that we are seeing on our roads today”. 


Excuse me?

Sorry, I was playing the Telegraph cliche drinking game and things got out of hand.

*Slaps face*

How did the opposition react?

After the laughter died down, Shadow Home Secretary Yvette Cooper said: “You’ve got a selfish minority wreaking havoc, you’ve got someone who’s resisting all attempts by the powers that be to remove them, causing serious disruption, disorder, chaos with serious consequences for the public, for businesses, for politics and for financial markets, but they’ve glued themselves under the desk”. 

That sounds like she’s talking about the Prime Minister.

Well, she was talking about Liz Truss, but it’s hard to say with any conviction that Truss is currently the Prime Minister.

Did the bill pass?

Yes, by 276 votes to 231.

READ MORE: Controversial Public Order Bill passed in Westminster

You mentioned Rwanda earlier.

Asked on a Telegraph podcast “why can’t you stop the small boats coming?”, a smiling Braverman replied: “I would love to be here claiming victory. I would love to be having a front page of the Telegraph with a plane taking off to Rwanda. That’s my dream. It’s my obsession”.   

That’s her dream?

Yeah, we’re not exactly in Martin Luther King territory here.

She sounds lovely. I’m sure she’ll go on to serve as a popular Home Secretary for many years to come. 

Hang on, I've got a breaking news alert on my phone. 


Let’s just say she’s eating humble tofu pie.