Green tosh

SPECTACULAR misfire of the week came from the Scottish Greens, who launched their new Indy paper on Monday, while Nicola Sturgeon was safely out of the country. Lacking any detail on currency, borders, costs or other niggles, it was universally mocked and made the Greens look like wide-eyed fools. Apart from that, it was magic. When the party’s media unit spewed out links to it on social media, it took folk to a website saying "Page not found". Most unwisely, they later fixed it.

Tuber player

TALKING of social media, Twitter lit up on Tuesday as the Scottish Parliament's official feed promoted one arresting item. “Stephen Kerr: A Potato With More Vitamin C Than a Lemon,” it said next to a picture of the Central Scotland Tory MSP, Later, as he started his debate on gene-editing crops, he told MSPs: “I am not a potato.” Well, that’s his story anyway.


Mountain Due

IN the same session, fellow Tory Sir Edward Mountain was granted an intervention by SNP MSP Emma Harper but then found his microphone wasn’t working. After an embarrassing fumble, he realised he’d forgotten to activate it with his Parly pass. “Oh dear,” sighed Ms Harper. “I apologise profusely,” said Sir Ed, upon finally getting it to work. So no potatoes, but possibly the odd plum. 

Humza the question!

PERMANENTLY beleaguered SNP Health Secretary Humza Yousaf was visiting an A&E unit in Wishaw this week, where he took questions from the press. One of the broadcasters had interviewed him so often recently that Mr Yousaf joked he should get a loyalty card entitling him to a special treat after 10 interviews. “What do you think you should get?” he asked the hack. At which, a frustrated member of the printed press piped up: “An answer!” 

Good Dog Almighty

SHARING a house with the leader of the Scottish Liberal Democrats can’t be easy. Unspun hears that when Alex Cole-Hamilton’s family recently acquired a Cockapoo pup, there was a single-transferable vote election to decide its name. The poor mutt must now go through life as Brambles Lula Cole-Hamilton, its middle name courtesy of the new president of Brazil.

Blooming eck

Michelle Thomson grabbed lots of unwanted headlines this week by wearing a white poppy to Holyrood with a Yes badge at its centre. The SNP MSP for Falkirk East was branded “beyond tacky and tasteless” for the stunt, which the party insisted was merely an innocent repair job on her lapel-wear. With exquisite timing, Ms Thomson featured in Holyrood magazine’s Getting to Know You column a day a later. “I’ve had to practice and work on being dignified,” she revealed. “I’m hoping that I’m starting to approach that point.” Er, shall we tell her or shall you?


Mochan’s motors

ALSO staying classy was Labour’s Carol Mochan during Wednesday’s health questions. Since the Covid came among us, Holyrood has run a ‘hydrid’ system, with MSPs working both in the building and remotely by videolink. Normally, that means working from home or the office. But Ms Mochan took it a step further and beamed into the chamber from the front seat of her car. Cruel observers wondered whether the keen socialist had been out collecting the rents from her East Ayrshire property empire.