Dressed to thrill

EDINBURGH. Proudly known as Scotland’s capital city, unless you’re talking to a Glaswegian, who will probably refer to it as: “That funny wee village, somewhere east of Sauchiehall Street.”

Diary reader Alex Hatfield is a west coast type, yet somehow found himself spending the day in Auld Reekie for business.

“I really have to visit more often,” he marvels. “In my first ten minutes strolling down Rose Street, I spied a chap in a bowtie, another fellow glancing at his fob watch, and finally a young lady who was, for some mysterious reason, swishing into a local Wagamama restaurant wearing a rather fetching green crinoline gown.”

Adds Alex: “Is Edinburgh always like this, or did they know I was coming, and decided to give me an extra special welcome?”

Fanatical about footwear

LUCKY reader Bruce Bailey recently enjoyed a weekend break in Paris with his wife, Judy, while their young children were looked after by grandma.

Relaxing in the hotel room, Judy said: “This is wonderful! The only thing I miss is my slippers.”

“What about the kids?” said Bruce.

Judy immediately fired back: “Don’t interrupt me while I’m reminiscing about my loved ones.”

Dream date

VISITING his local Mount Florida hostelry, Harold Parker overheard a group of youthful chaps conversing. One of the lads was enthusiastically describing a romantic first date he had enjoyed.

“First we tanned a few beers,” said this fellow, “then it wis doon the road for a Big Mac and fries, then back tae her place, tae watch a documentary aboot liposuction.”

One of his friends nodded thoughtfully, then said: “She sounds like a keeper, Charlie.”

Food for thought

A CULINARY conundrum from reader Jane Robins, who points out: “You can drink a drink, but you can’t food a food.”

In one word…

WHILE getting her hair cut at a salon in Glasgow’s west end, reader Beverley Graham overheard the middle aged woman in the next chair discussing her niece, who it transpired was always posting TikTok videos of herself miming to songs.

“Why do young people do such things?” wondered the lady in the chair.

Her hairdresser paused in her snippety-snipping for a moment, then said: “Who can say for sure? But I bet it’s all because of something that rhymes with shmarcissism.”

Farsighted opinion

A GAG in the Diary about medical eye care inspires Hugh Chalmers to get in touch to tell us: “My optometrist believes my eyesight is going to improve, though my pessometrist says it’ll just get worse.”