Speaker’s scorner

NICOLA Sturgeon headlined the Business for Scotland dinner on Thursday, where another speaker unwisely joked about women rabbiting on more than men. Flat wrong, said the FM. “Because every Thursday, when I'm standing in the chamber in the Scottish Parliament, it doesn't seem to me it's the woman who speaks too much. Like Tweedledum and Tweedledee, the two men, respectfully, on either side of me speak too much. And none of it makes very much sense." What a way to talk about John Swinney and Humza Yousaf. 

Enough already

THE SNP aired its new party political broadcast this week, featuring lots of glum punters griping about Westminster and the Tory nuggets running it. “Enough is enough,” declared the slogan. Spookily, the SNP’s arch Indy rivals the Alba Party launched a billboard campaign featuring the same awful Tories and the same slogan in October. Noting the coincidence Alba general secretary Chris McEleny said drily: “I think we should put up billboards saying there will be an independence vote this year...”

What’s the Tory?

LABOUR'S muddled response to the Holyrood gender Bill row delighted the Scottish Tory press office, which rushed out a release contrasting the “deafening silence” of Anas Sarwar with the vocal alarm of some of his MSPs. The Tories even quoted brutal criticism of, er, themselves. “Anyone thinking the Tories care about women’s rights or the interests of LGBTQ people is deluding themselves,” the release reported a Labour MSP fuming. “A desperate attempt by the Tories to distract from the financial chaos they have caused,” it quoted another saying. An interesting technique.

Bare-headed cheek

THERE was baldy banter galore at Westminster on Monday, after slaphead LBC broadcaster Iain Dale met fellow bone dome Stephen Flynn. “Just ran into SNP Westminster leader Stephen Flynn. Looked very chipper,” Mr Dale tweeted. “Because I thought I’d bumped into Mick Lynch,” Mr Flynn replied. You can tell us if that was a compliment.

Blackfordish gateau

SOMETHING that surely wasn’t a compliment was Alister Jack’s dig at former SNP leader Ian Blackford on Tuesday. The Scottish Secretary was having a torrid time as he blocked Holyrood’s gender reform Bill. A multi-layered SNP pile-on ensued, topped by the vast, teetering cherry of Mr Blackford. “The only way that we can protect our parliament is by Scotland becoming independent,” the Skye MP railed. So predictable was this that Mr Jack stood up and announced: “I’ve just won a £10 note.”

Visceral democrats

ALEX Cole-Hamilton also came off second best when he tried to speak at a demo outside Holyrood on Thursday organised by supporters of the gender Bill. Despite the Scottish Liberal Democrats being as keen on the legislation as the SNP and Greens, ACH got booed by the crowd who instantly took against him. “Whatever I do, I just can’t win," he sighed. Just like his party.

Film goer

ANGUS Robertson got some unexpected career advice from Tory MSP Maurice Golden in committee, after bigging up the new North Sea eco-horror TV show The Rig. "I think you'd make a wonderful new Barry Norman if you don't mind me saying,"Mr Golden told the Culture Secretary. As Mr Robertson messed up the census, that may even be his name already.