Bird-brained idea

THE Diary recently mentioned that scientists now have the technology to bring back the extinct bird, the dodo.

We also learn, to our slight disappointment, that to do so boffins will have to blend dodo DNA with that of a pigeon, so the species will essentially be a podo or a digeon.

Nonetheless it’s thrilling news, and we’re now figuring out what uses to make of the feathered creatures.

“Dodos were notorious for being exceedingly stupid,” points out reader Andrew Mason. “So maybe we could install one as PM, and another as Scotland’s First Minister.”

Illumination needed…

CONFUSED reader Jenny Dunlop says: “How did Thomas Edison manage to have the ‘lightbulb moment’ of inspiration that enabled him to invent the lightbulb… before he invented the lightbulb?”

Brought to book

IN Waterstones bookshop in Sauchiehall Street, Diary correspondent John Atkinson overheard an elderly chap having a literary conversation with his chum.

Said this enthusiastic bibliophile: “I’m in here every urra day, jist checkin oot the books ‘n aw that cerry oan.”

Charmless chit-chat

VALENTINE’S day approaches. Which brings to mind the cheesy chat-up lines our poor readers have been assailed by.

At a Glasgow city centre bar, reader Joan Asbury was once interrupted by a wannabe Romeo, who whispered amorously: “You owe me a drink… cos when I saw you at the bar, I dropped mine.”

Says Joan: “He didn’t get a drink. Though I was happy to give him a sarcastic eye-roll before sending him packing.”

Talking balls

FOOTBALL is a complex sport. When choosing who should take a free-kick, the players on the field must ascertain who amongst them is most skilled in a dead-ball situation. Also under consideration is where the ball is placed – does it favour a right or left footed athlete?

Alternatively, you can ignore all of the above and decide who takes the free-kick by having a game of rock, paper, scissors.

Which is exactly what a couple of St Johnstone players did against Celtic on Sunday. (To spare their blushes, we won’t identify the culprits.)

Says reader Bruce Stewart: “I, for one, thought it was a cunning plan, and was most helpful in deciding who should blooter the ball over the crossbar.”

Winner comes second

OUR picky readers continue finding fault with a famous maxim. Says Norrie Rowan: “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

Sternutation situation

GRUESOME gag time. “What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?” asks Alan McLaren. “A shoe.”