Neigh optimistic

JOHN Cleese is writing a new series of Fawlty Towers, the popular sitcom he first starred in back in 1975. This intrigues reader Martin Robinson, who says: “It appears we’re continuing to time travel back to the 70s, at an accelerated pace. For we’re now living with the Four Horses of the 1970s Apocalypse: Strikes, Inflation, Fear of Russian Invasion and Basil Fawlty. Welcome to the End of Days.”

More loopy letters

WE’RE discussing what the initials to certain honorific titles stand for, both in fact and fiction. Says reader Sam Brown: “When a local teacher, now retired, was honoured with an MBE, we reckoned the letters stood for Master of Bampots and Eejits. Quite apt, knowing some of his former pupils.”

Bog awful behaviour

ON a flight to New York, reader Audrey Stewart sat near an elderly couple. The chap clearly had a weak bladder, for he frequently got up from his seat and tottered to the toilet.

His wife, clearly not pleased with all this to-ing and fro-ing, said: “I honestly don’t know why you bothered taking the plane. You’ve managed to walk all the way to America.”

Load of pants

DUNDEE’S local newspaper, the Evening Telegraph, recently reported on a bloke wearing lacy underwear, who was caught, late at night, lifting more female undergarments from washing lines.

Perhaps inevitably – knowing the alliterative ways of japing journos – the headline in the paper was: ‘Nocturnal Knicker-Knocker Nabbed.’

On social media, Telegraph editor Dave Lord admits the headline could have been even more ambitious, for he suggests: ‘How many knickers did the knicker-knocker nick before the coppers caught the knocker wearing knickers in the nick?’

Drumming up business

A TUBTHUMPING tale. Peter King from Clarkston once worked in a music shop. When ever a musician popped in, hoping to buy drum equipment, Peter would say: “You left-handed or right-handed?”

If the customer said “right-handed”, Peter would sigh apologetically, then say: “Hard luck, pal. We’ve only got left-handed drum sticks in the day.”

Being drummers, some of them believed him.

Metal maulers

LAWYER Frank Benson once prosecuted a bunch of straggle-haired heavy metal musicians who had a fracas with their former manager, which ended in broken teeth and bloodshed.

Says Frank: “After the case the unhappy manager told me in private that he hoped the band would re-name themselves Ned Zeppelin.”

Flight of fancy

“MY dad claims to have invented stairs,” says reader John Harley. “He was always one step ahead of the rest.”