Burns ban?

IT’S with trepidation that the Diary dips a toe into the stormy waters of a debate which is currently rocking the SNP tugboat and threatening to throw Captain Sturgeon overboard, into the salty brine.

Bill Thompson from Lenzie notes that the Welsh Rugby Union banned the singing of Delilah.

Now he wonders if it will be verboten at Scotland matches to belt out the Robert Burns song with the lyrics ‘a man’s a man for ‘a that’.

Says Bill: “According to the Gender Recognition Reform Bill, that’s not always true.”

Brine-time x2

A SCOTTISH education remains the finest in the world, points out Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie.

Even in nursery the little ‘uns are rewarded with invaluable training which will stand them in good stead in later life, for Malcolm has discovered that his five-year-old grandson is already being trained to be a Diary correspondent, and recently returned from nursery with two excellent jokes.

Alas, the naive little chap forgot to copyright his material, allowing us to repeat the gags without asking his permission.

Joke 1) What’s a horse’s favourite colour? Neigh-vy blue.

Joke 2) How do bees get to work? On the buzz.

(On further consideration, perhaps we shouldn’t have printed those jokes. Malcolm’s talented grandson will now be nabbing the Diary Editor’s job, meaning our poor boss will soon be joining Captain Nic in the salty brine…)

Mind your language

OUT strolling the other day, Russell Smith from Largs overheard a lady gossiping with a chum about a mutual acquaintance. At one point she said in an outraged manner: “See her? She’s that hifalutin. Says she disnae like four-letter words. Ken whit she means? Wash, cook, iron an’ dust.”

Ms Moneybags

ONCE more we return to a favourite topic… nominative determinism. Douglas Jardine from Bishopbriggs was perusing his Herald when he noted that the director of an invoice financing company opening in Glasgow was… Joanna Cashmore.

The Dark Ages

WE recently mentioned man of science, Thomas Edison. “Would it be fair to assume,” enquires Richard Davis from Vienna, “that prior to inventing the lightbulb, Edison was floundering about in the dark?”

More Dark Ages

THE exhausted husband of reader Tessa Campbell returned from work, and said: “I hate being on the night shift. I honestly don’t know how owls deal with it.”

Gone to pot

“I PHONED the council to report a deep pothole in the road near my house,” says reader Iain Stuart. “They said they’ll come and look into it.”