Rishi Sunak rushed into the Chamber to be reminded about life in Britain, the controversial country.

A Welshwoman with blue hair was talking about the menopause, while the first contribution at Prime Minister’s Questions concerned the “dental desert” of Norfolk where an army veteran had been forced to pull 18 of his own teeth. That constituent’s MP, Clive Lewis (Lab), wanted the Government “extracted from office”.

Sir Keir Starmer, meanwhile, was still bumping his gums about the Coronation’s medieval re-enactment, a highlight of his life as a socialist, while wishing the best to a constituent singing in some kind of visual European tournament.

Then the Labour Opposition leader got his teeth into Prime Minister Sunak’s recent shame in having to correct the parliamentary record about employment figures.

“Can he provide an update now that he’s cost a thousand Tory councillors their jobs?” This was a reference to recent local elections in yonder Englandshire.

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The PM cited his “you guys” inspiration, Tony Blair, saying: “The right honourable gentleman can be as cocky as he likes about the local elections. Come the General Election, policy counts.” Added Rishi: “The problem for him is: he doesn’t have any.”

Sir K Starmer contended the PM had only had to fight for two things in his life: last week’s local elections and, previously, a Tory “beauty contest” which he lost to Liz Truss, who then lost to a lettuce. “No matter who the electorate is, the Prime Minister keeps entering a two-horse race and somehow finishing third.”

Hey, Sir K was on fire here. Well, you know, he was less damp than usual. If he could just lose the 1940s accent and mien he might even burst into a dying ember.

Mr Sunak reached for his tropes, averring of the Labour man that he wasn’t just “Mr Softy”. He was “Flaky too”. Flaky? What was this? A reference to the chocolate that was famously “a symbol of indulgence and secret pleasure”?

If so, do tell us more. Instead, Rishi reverted to accusing Labour of supporting picketers and protesters, which may be technically correct, but is still a bit rude to mention.

Keir: “He’s just not listening, is he?” Eh? Mr Starmer gave the PM GBH of the earhole about “protecting his precious non-dom status”. Hey, that’s not Rishi’s real “precious”. Rishi’s real consuming possession, over which he salivates in his cave, is what he repeatedly calls his “precious Union”, the ring of British power that makes Scottish people invisible.

Sir K added a reminder that the PM had once boasted he’d never had a working-class friend. In his defence Rishi said: “We all do say some silly things when we’re younger. I was a teenager.” Teenager? Younger? Things? What could it all mean?

It hinted at a troubled boy. Had he been a punk rocker who dropped dubious tabs from his parents’ pharmacy before running away to join a caravan of hippie travellers and marrying a girl called Underpants?

Why couldn’t he have been more like young Keir, munching contentedly on a Flake as he watched old Ealing comedies on a black and white telly, enjoying the sound of people who spoke just like him?

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Or perhaps not. For as Rishi reminded us of Keir: “[In] his forties, he was still talking about abolishing the monarchy.” The PM added: “It’s the same old guff from him every week.” Yep, thanks for the handy summary, mate.

After Keir was done, Stephen Flynn, the SNP’s Westminster leader, stood up and rolled his arse. Sorry, his r’s, as he roared rhetorically: “If the Prrrime Minister was to go to the boot of his Land Rrrover and pull out some placards that said ‘Save our non-doms’, would he expect to be arrrrested by the police?”

Mr Sunak riposted: “The filth should have powers to make sure that they can protect the public from unnecessary and serious disruption.” Not filth, but you get his drift.

The problem, according to leading worriers, is that the new powers were supposed to stop eco-cultists blocking roads and gluing their bottoms to railings, not decent ratepayers waving placards and calling peacefully for a return of the guillotine.

The earlier-mentioned blue-haired Welshwoman, Carolyn Harris (Lab), returned with a moving contribution about poverty, citing “real stories” about kids going to school in ill-fitting shoes and and putting water on their corn flakes because their parents couldn’t afford milk.

Replied the PM out of context: “That is why I am proud … These are our values.”

And there you have it. “Same old guff every week.” They should put that at the top of their website page.