ONE Christmas, when I was a young teacher (yes it was a long time ago), a parent donated a dozen bottles of wine for distribution amongst his son’s teachers.

The glass however was soon half empty. The head decided the gift could not be accepted and the plonk was duly returned. He believed our “integrity would be compromised” and the gift interpreted as attempting to buy special treatment. We accepted the ethical principle and the decision while hoping he'd returned his bottle as well.

That experience came to mind as I perused parliamentarians’ declarations of financial and other interests. Registration of interests requires MPs and MSPs to declare earnings, trips, and assorted freebies that, in the case of Westminster, “others might reasonably consider to influence his or her actions or words”. The registers may be a nod in the direction of transparency, but a multitude of questions and concerns remain.

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While there’s no suggestion elected representatives are doing anything illegal, one does wonder why individuals, companies and even foreign governments donate to, employ, fund “fact-finding” jollies, and generally channel largesse in the direction of present and past politicians. There’s a solid wedge of numpties ensconced at both Holyrood and Westminster, so it can’t be their knowledge, skills and experience that attract potential suitors.

The practice is more embedded at Westminster. Those who have climbed furthest up the greasy pole present the most inviting targets. How has ex-PM Theresa May, for example, “earned” £2.5 million from speaking engagements since 2019? Her coma-inducing delivery making it unlikely she has anything relevant, or even interesting, to impart.

Mrs May’s earnings may have been exceeded by the great pretender himself. Boris Johnson doesn’t appear to get out of bed for less than £200,000. It’s reported, in November 2022, he trousered around £800,000 for three speeches on behalf of interests as diverse as a US investment bank and the Hindustan Times. (Eh?) Why is he worth that sort of dosh?

Mr Johnson also has the Midas touch when it comes to getting others to cough up for weddings, wallpaper, and such. I tried it out on our local painter and decorator. I’ll tell you what he said when he stops laughing.

Lower down the food chain, ex-transport secretary Chris Grayling’s seafaring expertise is worthy of £100,000 a year for a seven-hour week, courtesy of the operators of Felixstowe Port. Why? His conclusion of a covid shipping contract with a company devoid of vessels hardly suggests nautical experience or competence.

And so it goes on. Even bottom feeders have their snouts in the trough. MPs engaged in second jobs, consultancy, PR, and the rest, shamelessly represent their benefactors’ interests. Transparency campaigner Gina Miller has detailed how those accepting perks from energy and communication companies have spoken and voted in support of fracking, exploitation of fossil fuels and wireless masts. She also rightly argues for a very low ceiling on donations to political parties.

Holyrood presents fewer opportunities and commendably, a goodly number of MSPs have no outside interests to declare. Some, however, have been wined and dined at Hampden and Murrayfield. In 2022, one MSP and his guest enjoyed Calcutta Cup hospitality valued at an astonishing £2000. How is that even possible?

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Other potential conflicts of interest include income from property rental and participation in overseas trips. Despite foreign relations being a reserved matter, a surprising number of MSPs have chalked up air miles to Israel, Taiwan, and the US. Others double up as local councillors with some, but not all, donating any payment to charities.

Cultivating MPs and MSPs is a deliberate strategy, for example by the gambling industry, to gain traction and influence. Not illegal, but the dividing line between influence, lobbying and corruption is very thin. Serving as a MP or MSP is a full-time job and is paid as such, leaving no time for other salaried activities. If any believe their integrity isn’t tested by second jobs and other inducements, I can introduce them to my former headteacher, for whom a single bottle of wine was a perk too far.