I recently had chat with a family member about her idea for a book were she to ever write one: all the interesting conversations she had with people when travelling by bus.

Since she retired, she loved going on bus journeys to travel Scotland and to see friends and family, throughout which she often found herself seated next to someone she'd never met before, talking along the way.

“I heard so many interesting stories and different perspectives,” she told me. “I always felt refreshed after having these talks, but Covid really took that away from me.”

Having this conversation made me think about my own experiences of having conversations with strangers. For one, it struck me funny, as had this woman – now like a grandmother to me – and her husband not approached my biological grandparents in a pub in the Highlands in the 1970s, resulting in our families becoming friends, I may have not moved from Germany to Scotland as a teenager.

Second, it made me think of my experiences and how such conversations helped me.

Researchers across the globe have long said that random spontaneous connections can boost our mood and give us a stronger sense of belonging.


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This does not apply to all interactions equally though. For my part, I am not talking about being approached in the street which – even if well intended or due to a purpose – can feel awkward. And I am most definitely not talking about unsolicited direct messages on social media because, as many of us unfortunately know, there is a very fine line between some people being friendly and receiving messages that are just creepy.

Rather, it is those conversations with strangers that happen almost organically, feel unforced, and aren’t in a threatening environment. Those in a queue with the person standing beside you, the people you sit beside while travelling, a person you met at community events, or those that happen during any other day to day activities with people you may continue to bump into, or maybe never see again.

Of course, having conversations like this isn’t for everyone. Unfortunately, many of us – rightly so – carry the notion of ‘stranger danger,’ and of course it can just be personal preference. However, in my experience, talking to those outside my usual social circle and strangers I never met or may never see again has very often been an uplifting one.

Working in bars, travelling alone for a short while, and now working as a journalist, I have been lucky to find myself pushed to talk to people I don’t know frequently. It is a cliché, but hearing people talk about their experiences makes you see the world through different eyes and walk in someone else’s shoes. So, conversations with strangers have shaped me. But even on a more basic level, I have felt so many other benefits.

One of them is that having conversations with people such as my hairdresser, the shopkeeper, the lollipop man, and others I see regularly but maybe do not know well, which have made me feel connected to my surroundings.

No matter how long the conversations go on for – often only minutes but sometimes hours – or if we talk about mundane things like the weather, or important subjects, I always leave these encounters with a sense of belonging to a community.

Finally, for me, talking with people outside my usual social circle improved my mental health.

Loneliness can be a horrible feeling. It creeps up on you but then sticks like a shadow, hovering around you no matter what way you turn.

According to the Mental Health Foundation (MHF), feelings of loneliness are “not about the number of friends we have, how much time we spend on our own, or something which happens when we reach a certain age.” Rather, “it’s the feeling we experience when there is a mismatch between the meaningful social connections we want and those we have.”

I ended up feeling that way last year, during my final year of university. Particularly towards the end of my degree, I had cocooned myself into a lifestyle that included rigorous work and minimal interaction with anyone, as a result of the previous pandemic restrictions and stress. Moreover, the more I felt this way, the more insular I became; even towards those that I did know well.

The Herald: The Mental Health Foundation says loneliness is 'the feeling we experience when there is a mismatch between meaningful social connections we want and those we have'The Mental Health Foundation says loneliness is 'the feeling we experience when there is a mismatch between meaningful social connections we want and those we have' (Image: Newsquest)

What broke the cycle was getting a job as a reporter after I graduated. I suddenly was in a room with colleagues every day and was also out speaking to strangers to tell their stories – often leaving not just with the words I needed to file, but with a regained sense of excitement. In ways, it was a wake-up call on how much I had missed random spontaneous connections and how it felt not having them.

When I decided to write this column, I was hoping to share my experiences of how refreshing it can be to talk to strangers and what I gained to encourage anyone feeling the way I did last year to talk to people more again.

But, while I had the chance to connect with others quickly and easily, it worries me that there are so many others for whom this might not be the case or those that find it becoming increasingly harder.

In a survey published last May, the MHF said that a quarter of adults in Scotland felt lonely ‘some or all of the time’ a month prior, and that around a third of those questioned said feelings of loneliness had a negative impact on their mental health.


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Asking people what they think would help tackle loneliness, more than half of the respondents said making it easier for people to find groups, clubs or places where they can meet others in person would help, and many said they would like to see ‘new or improved’ community-based clubs and activities in their local area.

Yet it is exactly those spaces – libraries, community halls, and other public places which often host events that would allow strangers to meet – that are facing closure in many local authority areas due to funding shortfalls and budget cuts.

Making random spontaneous connections helps most of us. So, with so many people still experiencing feelings of loneliness, it might not only be pertinent for us to talk to each other more. We also need to do all we can to save the spaces in which people feel this is possible. We cannot afford to lose these accessible meeting points and groups.

Daniella Theis is Scottish Student Journalist of the Year