I’VE crashed my bike, ruptured a ligament in my knee and put a massive dent in my training and racing plan; don’t expect the following to be filled with light-hearted banter. I’ll admit I’ve always been better at cold and cutting sarcasm, but my deficiency in the light-hearted banter department is now quite great.

It was a month ago. You might find this aggravating but I’m not going to talk about the crash itself if that’s all right. If it’s not all right, bite me, I’m the one with the keyboard (man, has limited exercise made me aggressive). Let’s look at the repercussions instead.

It’s my posterior cruciate ligament that I’ve ruptured (ripped in two) but I’ve done no other damage to the inside of my knee – an apparently rare feat (you must take the comforts where you can). This ligament stops your knee from bending the opposite way from how it’s meant to but I’ve been told that if you were ranking the ligaments in your knee in order of importance this one is close to bottom of the list. Can I get a cheer for the other features in my knee that compensate for its stability.

Another cheer for my being a cyclist. If I was in almost any other sport I’d need surgery to reconnect the ligament, but cycling involves a controlled up and down action so we are good.

Oh, I also fractured the head of my radius (elbow). If I had no other injury this would be really inconvenient, but as it stands I often forget I’ve done it because I’m too busy saying mean things to my knee. “Why have you failed me, knee? Why?”

I’ve heard the phrase “it could be worse” a lot. This is because it’s true. However I’m self-obsessed, mean and greedy, so I take little comfort in this thought. I would rather the phrase held no meaning because there was nothing wrong with me. In the past I’ve heard, “oh you got away lucky there” and I miss that one a lot.

So what this all means is that I’m on a rehab programme. Which is nothing like a training programme.

My first week was spent getting scans and having assessments and generally telling people I thought I was fine, just a bit stiff and please doc, if you let me get on my bike I think I’ll ride it off.

Then came a week of still being denied access to my bike, but going on four 30-minute walks every day to re-educate my knee of its function (if my knee is conscious enough to be educated, I feel certain it’s conscious enough to be kept up at night thinking about all the horrible things I said to it. By that, and the pain).

Week three, I was allowed back on my bike. But with huge restrictions on time and power output, and of course on a turbo trainer (stationary bike) to eliminate any risk of external factors and because, well, I’ve broken my elbow.

Today, the rest of my team fly out to Hong Kong for the final track World Cup of the season. I will be missing it. I’ve come to terms with that since I’m sure I won’t be in a state to race by next weekend. What I’m struggling with is whether I’ll make selection for the World Championships at the start of March.

Tomorrow I have my four-week assessment and hopefully the doc will tell me I can start riding my bike like a proper bike rider: around in circles on the velodrome. Just kidding roadies, I’m also desperate for a cafe ride.

From then I have six weeks before worlds selection will be finalised. The fact this rests heavy on my mind is meant to be a secret. The truth is that nothing is more important than the Olympics and rushing through rehab, to make riding the worlds viable, would be a big mistake. One comes every year and the other comes every four years and is the biggest sporting platform on the planet – it’s a no brainer which, if forced to pick, I should prioritise.

But heck, I want it all. I really think I can make it back and hopefully forget about this whole annoying thing (I’m talking to you knee) soon. Luckily there’s a big team at British Cycling being sensible on my behalf, keeping me to my training/rehab plans and making sure I don’t push beyond what I need to recover to my strongest state.

Want to hear something else aggravating that I doubt you’ll believe? I was going brilliantly before I crashed. Honestly, we’d just come back from a camp and I was pinging and set for riding with the pursuit squad to world domination. Oh well, that’s just the way the weak knee crumbles I guess.