HORACE Rumpole’s proud boast was that his clients never plead guilty – especially when they were just that.
John Mortimer’s barrister, one of British fiction’s great characters, took on any case – even if he knew for a fact the person he was to defend in the Old Bailey had indeed committed the crime.
“There is not a court in Heaven or Earth where Horace Rumpole is not ready and willing to appear,” so said our heroic protagonist. “On the Day of Judgment I shall probably be up on my hind legs putting a few impertinent questions to the prosecution.”
Because I’m a man at ease when visiting the seedy side of life, which has taken me down so many corridors of uncertainty in many different cities, I know quite a few lawyers. Some of them are almost human. Not fully formed, obviously, but can be good for japes and gossip.
One, whose name, sex and in which court they star in, shall remain nameless, is in the defence game. They work with and for the bad guys. It’s where the big money is apparently.
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Like Rumpole, they never prosecute. It’s all about using that sharp legal mind to build a case for some poor sap who has been fitted up right good and proper. There is nothing these people like more than a challenge.
Well, I have a case for them which even Rumpole would pass on to a gullible colleague.
Scott Brown has been accused of “goading” and “provoking” in a built-up football stadium. Such devious actions, if he were to be found guilty, will see the Celtic captain in chains for the rest of his life and quite right too.
After all, his behaviour on Sunday is directly responsible for how people behave away from football. It’s been proved in studies that someone standing with their arms wide can make even the best people riot in the street. Indeed, his disgusting actions will surely encourage children to throw down their school books and pick up guns.
Blah, blah, blah….sighs.
Honest to the wee man, has everyone lost their sense of perspective? I’ve never heard so much pant-wetting nonsense in my life. I’ve seen worse trouble down my local chippy on a Saturday night.
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Okay, Brown, for me, was wrong to act as he did so close to the Rangers fans. But there is no crime committed.
Similarly, when Ryan Kent equalised and the Rangers players ran over to that corner of the ground, Connor Goldson looked straight at the home support in the main stand and put his finger to his mouth, telling them to shoosh. James Tavernier did a sort of ‘get it up you’ gesture.’
Is there anything really wrong with that? It’s football, it’s the Old Firm game. Players are allowed to give a bit back, as long as a line isn’t crossed. And it wasn’t.
Andy Halliday was daft to run so far to accost Brown but, really, is he guilty of anything apart from losing his temper? He should know better, and probably does, but human beings are fallible. Unless you have actually played in this game, can any one of us really understand the gauntlet of emotion these players are dragged through?
At Pittodrie earlier his year, the Rangers players, cough, goaded the Aberdeen fans after one of their goals. And do you want to know something? That’s okay as well.
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My guess is every football fan can remember one of their own players giving it large in front of the opposing supporters. As long as it’s not too silly, and it rarely is, then nothing more should be said.
Brown was having fun. Nothing more or less. If he was so out of order, why did Scott Arfield and Allan McGregor (inset) go out of their way to shake his hand?
The police tell both teams before this fixture the dos and don’ts. They remind everyone that they have a responsibly to behave, which I agree with. There are too many mouth-breathing numbskulls who limpet themselves to these two clubs. Any excuse for them to misbehave is taken up.
There were three stabbings on Sunday which may or may not be related to the game. But to blame such appalling violence solely on what happens at a football game, as so many no-mark politicians and hand wringers do, is wrong.
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The Old Firm is an excuse morons use to smash windows, throw chairs and get into fights. It’s important to note this fixture, with all its nasty connotations, is not the reason there are those who walk amongst us whose knuckles scrape off the ground.
A complaint was made to the police about Brown. Yes, at least one person wasted their time and that of the cops in the hope a footballer would get his collar felt for, erm, having a good time. Gie’s peace.
“Birth and death! They silence us all in the end,” said Rumpole, and he was right. Let’s try to have a bit more fun between the two and, please, can we lighten up a bit.
And if you can’t when it comes to the football, don’t go or watch it.
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