IF only the great Doctor Graham Chapman was around to tell us that we’re being too silly.

Scottish football has always been more than a bit Pythonesque, what with dead football clubs that aren’t really dead, lots of arguments, and so many unexpected moments that the Spanish Inquisition bursting into a room would hardly raise an eyebrow.

Perhaps Sportscene could introduce the fish-slapping dance at the end of every episode involving two different guests every week. It would be one way, I suppose, to keep everyone switched on past the boring 0-0 at Livingston.

READ MORE: 'The only true Celtic disaster on Saturday was Tom Boyd's comments'

Tom Boyd, former Celtic captain and for years a middle-of-the-road kind of character, made headlines this week by criticising John Beaton, the referee at Celtic Park on Saturday, which was fair enough as the home team should have got a penalty against Dunfermline.

HeraldScotland:

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Boyd, on Celtic TV, then made a series of personal comments that have been widely reported. I’ll translate.

“Celtic never get anything because the establishment’s grip on the country and football is as tight as ever. Beaton is a Rangers fan, that’s why he didn’t give the penalty and later he will be in a pub (perhaps owned by Nacho Novo) and the regulars, of which he is one, won’t allow him to buy a pint.”

This went down well with a lot of people.

“Good on you, Tom,” said more than a few Celtic supporters, happy that one of their own was saying what everyone knows, and what the press men, every one of them under pressure from the Rangers PR machine, are too scared to say.

Since the start of this millennium, Celtic have won 14 league titles, including the last eight, nine Scottish Cups and eight league cups. That’s 31 major domestic titles – more than the rest put together.

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They have the biggest stadium, more money than ever before and, in my humble opinion, are going to dominate Scottish football for a long, long time. The odd mis-step aside, Celtic remain very much in charge.

Since 2000, the following is a taste of what the other 11 current Premiership clubs have experienced. Because of space, I’ve had to leave a lot out.

HeraldScotland:

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Rangers (“new club” after liquidation that had to start in the fourth tier), Ross County (they have to play in Dingwall, relegated more than once), Aberdeen (two trophies in almost 30 years), St Mirren (yo-yo club and a lot of relegations), Hamilton (almost went bust and nobody watches them), Hibernian (Hibsed it is now a well-used expression – and that day against Hamilton), Livingston (saved at the last moment from liquidation but still demoted to third tier), Hearts (administration, transfer ban, points deduction and relegation), Motherwell (administration pales into insignificance given the tragic deaths of too many favourite sons), St Johnstone (have an average crowd of about two dozen) and Kilmarnock (years of huge debt and the recent loss of their best manager ever).

But, whenever someone connected to Celtic plays the victim card, thousands lap it up.This despite there being no proof, which is what you need in the adult world, to back up such nonsense.

The SFA might look at what Boyd says but I don’t think they should. It’s a free country and, while our own nation, shamefully, is one in which referees – and this refers to Beaton and his family – have been threatened, I honestly can’t see that happening.

Boyd’s comments were daft rather than dangerous, which is not to say he shouldn’t be challenged for it.

Celtic will back him but really should have a word because the club ought to be above such nonsense.

Oh, and those Rangers supporters laughing at their paranoid pals across the city…your club isn’t any better. Google Rangers and statements. It’s an amusing wander down memory lane.

Why do I have to mention Rangers in a piece on Celtic? It’s because these two are joined at the hip. And it stops the whataboutery. Well, almost.

HeraldScotland:

READ MORE: The only true Celtic disaster on Saturday was Tom Boyd's comments

Last season, Willie Collum, another refereee, had one of his moments when he sent off Daniel Candeias at St Mirren for, erm, blowing a kiss. Really. This happened. Rangers were right to react. But, of course, a line was crossed.

A statement thus thundered: “This is by no means the first time errors of judgment have been made in matches involving this official and clearly there is an underlying issue which requires to be addressed.”

Collum is a religious education teacher at a Roman Catholic school. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, Say no more.

These two clubs, institutions in fact, are as bad as one another. It was Celtic’s turn this time to take the low ground. Don’t worry. Rangers will be along again soon with something that does nothing for their standing away from those who live on planet paranoia.

Getting back to Boyd, he essentially accused a professional Scottish referee of cheating, which is disgraceful.

Beaton made a mistake, which is not allowed by some, including a former player who made a few in his day.

There is so much talk about what we can do to make Scottish football better but I fear we will never make the great leap forward if our two biggest clubs, and those who work for them, continue to act like weans.

Football is what we do to relax, to get away from life for a bit. Like music, movies, cooking and crochet, a brilliant way to spend our spare time.

As the Pythons would never say, it’s time we all found the plot and started to act sensibly.