I WAS struggling for motivation at the start of this week.

The seven days began with a talk to the commercial team at Chelsea FC. I was telling my story and talking about the psychology of resilience.

But while I really enjoy these kind of days, they do come at a cost to my body.

It’s hard to explain the fatigue as I don’t really understand it myself.

But I feel like I could almost fall asleep standing up.

It's a debilitating tiredness that no matter what you do, nothing seems to help. The only thing you can do is sleep.

When I woke up on Wednesday I had zero motivation to get up and go to the gym.

Then I heard an interview on the news from a guy I went to school with who has been told his cancer has no cure and is terminal.

Neil was a year above me at school and has Leiomyosarcoma in both his lungs.

When he was told he only had months to live, Neil made a very brave decision to not have treatment.

In his words: “It hasn’t worked on anyone and it makes you very unwell."

So in his positive way, he smiled and said that he wanted his last months with his family to be of high quality.

His smile was bigger than anyone’s, and it was a kick for me to remind me how precious life is.

So before I had even finished listening I had got up and was getting ready to hit the gym.

I haven’t seen Neil probably in 20 years but that’s the beauty of Scotland and especially the Strathspey area.

It’s like a family and no matter where you are in the world, you always feel connected to home.

Neil’s smile stayed with me the rest of the week and got me through each session and really had a huge impact on me.

On Monday, I was speaking to the team at Chelsea about finding their philosophy and vision, but mostly urging them to get up everyday with compassion for themselves and others.

As I have spoken about often in this column, these three characteristics are very important in life but even more so when we face real struggles.

My struggle this week wasn’t really that big compared to other peoples' or some of the previous ones I have gone through, but it’s amazing how constantly aggravating my back is driving me into dark places.

I have always had clear goals. Before, it was the tumour derailing them – now it's the spinal injury.

Even as I write this I pause and on a separate piece of paper write down what I am grateful for.

In the last two weeks, I have heard of two youngsters who died of brain tumours.

This is heart-breaking, so why am I feeling frustrated because I can’t ride my bike without hurting my back when I am still alive?

Anyway, I plan to give my body and mind a bit more of a rest and work more on acceptance around the spinal cord injury over the next few weeks.

Those of you who have read the last few columns will know I have been struggling more with the spinal cord injury than the tumour itself recently.

So getting back in the gym working on the basics to get my posture stronger and less turbo sessions on the bike with the hope it fixes this back issue is a priority.

The issue is not even around racing or training.

I am in so much pain I can’t even move, and this puts lots of stress on the mind.

Sitting looking out the window at the rain bouncing off the roads and my bike sat with two flat tyres showing the last time I was out on the roads, I start searching for a training camp as this stage event in the Alps is getting closer every week.

But the first thing I read online is that the UAE tour has been cancelled due to two Italian participants testing positive for Coronavirus and that the World Cup ski finals will take place with no spectators.

Everyone will have their own view on this, but this virus does put a bit of fear into me. As my spinal cord injury is so high, I don’t have many nerves that help the coughing action.

Coupled with a low immune system it’s not at the top of my list of things to catch. It's all making the turbo look more of a safe option for me right now.