Up the Irons. American Billy Horschel is displaying his passion for West Ham United this week with his golf bag emblazoned in the colours of the old ‘ammers.

The world No 25 has become fascinated with the London club and joins the likes of Paul McGinley and Francesco Molinari as fans of the claret and blues.

All of this got the diarist thinking of former West Ham favourite Julian Dicks, who had a stint as a professional golfer after retiring from fitba’.

Dicks, a man so hard he used to brush his teeth with a chisel, was always a passionate, physical player and his all-action style famously roused the senses of one radio commentator. “Julian Dicks is everywhere,” he gushed. “It’s like West Ham have got eleven Dicks on the field.”

*The dinky little toon of Sandwich is looking radiant in the shimmering sunshine. The ‘Sandwich in Bloom’ community group has been beavering away with beds, pots, planters and baskets to ensure a splash of colour greets visitors to The Open. The diarist, meanwhile, has never had much success with occasional dabbles into horticultural hobbies. I once, for instance, tried to cross-pollinate a Red Hot Poker with a Forget Me Not … and ended up with a painful reminder. (Copyright: The Two Ronnies 1978)

*The lateness of the finish at The Open means fine dining for the golf scribblers goes out the window. Pizzas, chips, kebabs? If it’s takeaway, we’ll take it. The diarist’s colleague was landed with some seared monstrosity of questionable meat that resembled the smouldering, scorched aftermath of the meteor strike that obliterated the dinosaurs. “Cordon Bleu?,” he sneered. “It should be bloody cordoned off.” He still ate it.