Those of you who are regular golfers will no doubt be a supple old lot. Those of you, meanwhile, who regularly read this column will probably be fairly flexible too.
Let’s face it, attempting to follow these back page haverings can often leave you in the kind of startling tangle you’d see in the more adventurous diagrams of the Kama Sutra.
The reason I bring such pliable ponderings up is that I caught a glimpse of Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday night and watched the bold Angela Rippon performing the splits at the age of 79. Your wincing correspondent, on the other hand, is 47 and struggles to split a fairway with a 3-wood off the tee.
As for my short game? Well, it’s reached such a state of jittery, jabby incompetence, I’ve resorted to gingerly hauling the putter out from the fairway the moment I get to within 60 yards of the flag. That, of course, merely highlights my crushing ineptitude. The other day, for instance, I’d three-putted before I’d even reached the bloomin’ green.
Apparently, however, you learn something new about your golf game every week. “That means that I was ignorant of eight things about golf two months ago,” observed the celebrated wordsmith, Peter Dobereiner. “Extend that process back nearly 20 years and the result is an impressive accumulation of ignorance.”
So, what did we learn in the world of golf over the past week or so? Well, Lexi Thompson, the major-winning LPGA Tour star, played against the men on the PGA Tour in the Shriners Children’s Open. Playing off the same tees, she missed the cut but made a sturdy account of herself.
Taking up a sponsor’s invitation was something of a brave move by Thompson. She hasn’t enjoyed a vintage season and, at times, her confidence, along with her chipping and putting, has looked as brittle as the sequins on Angel Rippon’s ball gown after another gasping, eye-popping high kick.
Fair play to her, then, for striding into the spotlight of a ruthlessly unforgiving environment, taking the burden of relentless scrutiny on her shoulders and giving it a right good go. That’s Lexi we’re talking about, not good auld Angie.
Given that Thompson is one of the longest hitters in the women’s game, the PGA Tour set-up would not have been as intimidating, but it was still a mighty test of ability and mental resolve.
A rallying 69 in round two gave her a chance of becoming just the second female, after the trailblazing Babe Zaharias way back in 1945, to make a cut in a PGA Tour contest.
In the end, the 28-year-old missed the mark by three shots. Her spirited endeavours certainly gained plenty of coverage and attracted a considerable following on the other side of the ropes. It also gave a relatively hum-drum Fall Series tour event a significant shot in the arm. For two days, she was the story.
I’m sure the starry-eyed young ‘uns watching on were suitably enthralled and inspired too. Had it gone the other way, however, and turned into a complete car crash then you wonder what the reaction would’ve been?
The general public has always been curious about how the best women compare to the men in tournament conditions. There’s no harm in the odd outing, like the one Thompson enjoyed last week. It makes for an interesting comparison and it certainly brings more eyeballs to golf. We know, though, that those eyes can easily have the hands over them if it all goes awry.
When, for instance, a teenage Michele Wie went up against the men back in the noughties, her various cameo appearances descended into an increasingly excruciating exercise in exploitation which did nothing for Wie or the women's game as a whole.
Had PT Barnum been around, he probably would’ve ditched the Bearded Lady from his show and made Wie his star exhibit of roll-up, roll-up, point and gawp intrigue. Trying to achieve the milestone of making the cut among the men became something of a crippling millstone round the neck of the Hawaiian.
Amid the Wie circus, The R&A made an historic addition to the entry form for The Open in 2005, with female golfers allowed to enter at the regional qualifying stage provided they had met the criteria of finishing in the top-five of the women's majors.
Admittedly, that exacting route towards the game’s oldest major was akin to saying, ‘right ladies, there’s Everest, here’s a flask and some meat paste sandwiches, good luck’ but the door of opportunity was there for the intrepid.
Nearly 20 years since that amendment, though, not one application from a female competitor has been received. The reality is that the women themselves clearly aren’t that interested in going through the rigmarole. They have their own competitive matters to focus on without distracting themselves with some kind of wild golfing goose chase at Open regional qualifying.
The day may come when someone gives it a whirl, mind you. And if it does, then I’ll be happy to cut that last sentence out of the paper and eat it along with my hat.
Women’s golf, on its own merit, continues to elevate itself to new levels of exposure and into fresh financial territory. The good ladies don’t need to go up against the men to prove how good they are.
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