All is not well in the TV garden of Eden

Would Episode One of Eden be all about eschewing the crassness of modern existence, or would it produce a fair amount of Adam and Eve action, large munchings of  forbidden fruit and the appearance of a serpent?

But before friendships and more were built the group had to build a shelter. They built a wigwam and with it confidence.

Meanwhile, Chef Stephen  pulled  a rabbit out of the hat, (not literally, not yet) in making porridge and berries and all sorts of unexpected delights.

However, we were hardly twenty minutes into this hoped for idyllic world than a dissenting voice could be heard. Anton, a rowing coach said he didn’t like being around people, and he didn’t like the meetings the group called all too often - which made you wonder if the producers had done their homework in selecting him. Or perhaps they liked the idea of a refusenik?

But it was entertaining, and comforting, to see the band of brothers and sisters quickly built a little world. Plumber Andrew rigged up a hot water shower, an animal pen was built and seeds planted for the season ahead.

Yes, they had seeds. And plants and tools and tarpaulins and a hi-velocity rifle . And cigars and cigarettes. And goats, sheep, and chickens and pigs.  “But not enough to slaughter.” But they do kill a pig.

This wasn’t a holiday camp, this stretch of beach on the 600-acre site, between Cul na Croise beach and a conifer forest further inland. (There is a local bar and a crusty bread bakers just a few miles along the road but the adventurers don’t know this. Yet.)

That wasn’t a factor however in the opening episode. This was about checking out the group dynamic, seeing if these strangers could work together harmoniously to create a brave new world.

Yet, already some looked to be in the wrong movie. Jasmine, a veggie faced a dilemma. She was weak with hunger. But she watched on as Porky took a bullet to the brain.

Builder Raphael was fed up within hours, being ignored by the committee as continual meetings were held to decide what form shelter should take. He didn’t miss the irony; this group had left society to escape politics and meetings, and here they were being bogged down with talk.

Caroline the shepherdess lost eight  of her sheep without so much as a peep out of her.

Yet, the biggest problem was Anton, the canoe instructor who decided to build an alternative house in the woods, to keep away from the wind-lashed beach. “This is a holiday camp!” he proclaimed, marching away from the others in a strop.

The problem was he couldn’t persuade most of the others he was doing the right thing, largely because he was as stubborn as all the goats in the pen, and hugely divisive.

But just as the programme seemed to be about political coups and a lovely bit of backstabbing (the group had to vote whether to Brexit Anton right out of the picture) Stephen cooked up his best concoction yet. Home brew. With pine needle flavouring.

The effect was immediate. Before you could say ‘Do you come here often?’  four of the group, including Stephen and yoga instructor Jasmine,  were canoodling.

Will it turn out to be Love Island after all, but with fleeces and chilblains?  At the very least, it looks interesting.

But if the producers were hoping viewers would tune in to see people live a very alternative life, that’s clearly not going to be the case.

This lot, it seems, will argue and arrange endless pointless meetings and create a political world that’s almost as  corrosive as the one they just left. And soon we’ll also have the bitter jealousies to look forward to as the romance wears off. La plus ca change.

Will that be enough to hold an audience because this isn’t about a group starting again. It’s about starting from where they left off.

But under plastic sheeting.