• Text size      
  • Send this article to a friend
  • Print this article

blowing the doors off

IN Sweden Christmas trees come down on January 13, Tjugondag Knut (pronounced, so my Swedish friend Ylva promises, a little like "Shugon-dag Noot").

My tree is from Ikea, so I figured I would chance my luck and leave it up until January 13. Problem is, it's still there and I can't get rid of it.

The tree is 7ft tall and nearly as round. The angel atop sits at a coquettish tilt, having been hoisted up there on the end of a broom.

It's in a bucket of water and on a wooden box so I can't just lift it and drag it outside and even if I could drag it outside, where would I drag it to?

Glasgow City Council's website says you can drive trees to local recycling plants before January 18. Drive it? I drive a Micra. I was inspired by the story earlier this week about the German youths who nicked a safe and squeezed it in the back of a Micra. You'd be amazed what you can get in the back of a Micra, but the tree? Nae chance.

This week, now the central heating's on (I'm frugal) it's turned into a not-so-mini mini zoo. Ladybirds-a-plenty have been crawling and creeping about the living room. You're supposed to register lady beetle sightings so the Government can track their movements, or something, so I registered mine. The info's likely little help, though. ("Where did you see the ladybird?" "On my sock".)

The other night I noticed a piece of fluff on the floor under the tree. Three hours later the fluff had moved two feet. Closer inspection revealed a very, very hairy caterpillar. I shrieked like a girl. A very, very pathetic girl. I mean, it had moved two feet in three hours so, if the worst came to it, I could probably outrun it but it had no place in my living room. I found an old programme for a Grayson Perry exhibition and coaxed him on to Grayson's foot to be taken outdoors. My colleague says he'll have been eaten by a bird or frozen to death. Now I feel bad, but that's the circle of life, isn't it?

A quick Google reveals that up to 25,000 insects, mites, and spiders live inside the average real Christmas tree. This can't go on.

But I have only two options: wait to be rescued or wait 'til December and string the tinsel back up.

Contextual targeting label: 
Block list

Commenting & Moderation

We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis.
If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well and trust you then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules

Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.

135841