tom shields Capital Cluedo
There is to be an Edinburgh version of Cluedo. Colonel Mustard, Reverend Green, Professor Plum and the other usual suspects will be replaced by capital characters, maybe even the First Minister. Locations where the murders are committed may include the castle or Arthur's Seat instead of the library or billiards room.
The traditional weapons – the candlestick, dagger, lead piping, revolver, rope and spanner – will be retained. Except in this stuff I have just made up:
It was Trainspotter Begbie in a seedy lounge bar on Leith Walk with a pint tumbler. Or maybe crime writer Ian Rankin in the Oxford Bar with a hardback copy of his latest book.
Edinburgh stereotypes being what they are, suspicion will fall on Mrs Morningside in her dining room using starvation. And Valerie Vegan in a deli on Broughton Street with a wholegrain baguette. But my money is on Chef Michelin in a Leith waterside bistro with a £200 bill for dinner for two. (The victim died of a heart attack so it's only culpable homicide.)
Other possible scenarios:
Fred Goodwin at RBS head office with a brass neck.
The lone piper at Edinburgh Castle during the Tattoo with his chanter.
Mr Transport Consultant on Princes Street pushing victim under a moving tram. (Far-fetched, I know.)
Mr Health and Safety at Edinburgh City Council offices with a paper clip. Also Ms Building Control with a lead pipe.
More mayhem at the castle; the culprit is the soldier in charge of the one o'clock gun with an unexpected round of live ammunition; victims are a bus load of German tourists but don't mention the war.
Ms Alternative Medicine in the Auld Reiki therapy centre with a statue of Buddha.
Mr New Town in the foyer of the Festival Theatre with a wine bottle (Chilean sauvignon blanc, 2010) during an argument over excessive realism in a production of Don Giovanni.
Ms Glasgow Comedian in the bar at The Stand club with an Irn-Bru bottle. It was her pal pre-empting punch-lines again.
Dr Jekyll in a dark street with a heavy cane. He pleads not guilty, saying it was his lodger Mr Hyde, a vicious man with drink taken, who did it and ran away.
Finally, the First Minister in the library at Bute House with a dagger. What else do you expect from Mr Salmond, once known to rivals as the Smirk with the Dirk?
Obviously, Edinburgh Cluedo does not envisage incidence of strangulation with female undergarments.
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