The phone rings, as, unfortunately, is its wont.
Me: Hi. Features Desk.
Caller: Mr Leadbetter? Hi. You don't know me but I just wanted to let you know about a conference this Saturday. It's right up your street.
Me: Sounds interesting. Could you give me some details?
Caller: Well, it's been running a few years now. It's called the Boring Conference.
Me: Boring? As in tunnel boring?
Caller: No, actually. It's a conference about the acceptance of the mundane. It's got lots of interesting subjects - you know, ice-cream van chimes, pothole gardening, German film titles, that sort of thing.
Me (after a long pause): Sorry, is this some kind of hoax call?
Caller (sounding hurt): Why does everyone say that when I phone them? No, this conference is for real. Look, can I tell you what its organisers are saying?
Me: No, thanks.
Caller: They're describing it as a one-day celebration of the things we often overlook - the little things that sound trivial but are actually quite fascinating when you look at them closely. I've got a list here of previous subjects if you'd like to hear it.
Caller: Barcodes, for example. The Shipping Forecast. The sounds made by vending machines. London shop fronts. Oh, and apparently it's also examined the features on a Yamaha keyboard, the PSR-175.
Me: Look, I really have to get on with some work here.
Caller: Can I just give you some other examples of things it's discussed?
Me: I'd say no thanks but you'd just press ahead regardless.
Caller: Well, it's also looked at sneezing, and toast. And IBM tills. You know, these things that, as I say, sound dead commonplace but are actually quite fascinating.
Me: OK. Well, look, if you give me the details I could maybe pass them onto a colleague.
Caller: You won't regret it. Did I mention that this Saturday it's also discussing domestic inkjet printers from round about 1999? Anyway, the address is Conway Hall, 25 Red Lion Square, London. 10am. Can I put you down for the media section?
Me: Let me think about it. Before I go, could I just ask, why did you phone me?
Caller: You really want to know?
Me: Yeah. Sure.
Caller: Well, it's because I've always found your work really boring.
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well and trust you then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.