Poor Louis.
Already plagued by demons of unknown origin, the younger of our two cats is more agitated than usual.
He's taken to scouring and thumping away in the litter tray at the precise moment I wake. Not such a big deal, I hear you say, but what I haven't told you is that the tray sits at the door of the bedroom, perhaps 10 feet from my head. For a cat who spends 95% of his time hiding from the world - he's as black as night, which helps - such shenanigans are bordering on the perverse.
The source of his anxiety is a change of environment. The cats, their matron and I have been decanted en masse from our garret on the fringes of civilised society to an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, not very yellow, polka-dot-free garden flat in a postcode widely recognised as among Glasgow's most exclusive (read: unaffordable to all but the independently wealthy, surgeons, QCs and, um, "entrepreneurs").
In the meantime, back in Beirut a platoon of tradesmen is dismantling and rebuilding our bathroom, all bar the new suite being funded by the buildings insurance. It's no fun having someone else's suds coming into your salle de bain from upstairs, but you can't argue with the gratis services of first-class tradesmen - that clicking sound is my pre-arthritic fingers being crossed - for a fortnight.
The last time he was weighed by the vet, Louis's brother Morris was judged to be 40% heavier than his sibling, and yet the ginger colossus - all 6.5kg of him - took to his new surroundings with trademark calm.
It's all the more remarkable given the proportions of the garden flat, which make Lilliput look like London. Morris's nightly 100m on a lounge-hall-bedroom loop have been curtailed out of necessity to barely a long jump, and had he the inclination he could wee and wash the windows simultaneously. Is he ruffled? Not a bit of it.
Being indoor cats, Louis and Morris can't even avail themselves of the greatest upside of their relocation: a stroll through the streets, which, though dense with badly parked cars, are fringed by some of the finest mansions in the city; sandstone wonders the likes of me can only dream of affording.
There's one behaviour the move has yet to thwart, though, and that's Louis' persistent suckling of whichever part of his brother's oversized body is most readily accessible - arm, neck, flank - as if guzzling on his mother's milk. Those demons are impervious to change, worse luck.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article