It's J's birthday next week.
This is a good thing. Good for her because it means I might wash the dishes that night (1). And good news for me because it means for six months I can be the younger man again. I like being the younger man. Mostly because it means I get to hang around with an older woman.
Without wanting to reveal some grand psychosexual predilection here, if I'm honest experience has always seemed more alluring to me than innocence. Watching The Graduate I could never fathom why Dustin Hoffman would have wanted to end up with Katharine Ross when he could have Anne Bancroft (2).
Clearly this is not always the case. And I know one shouldn't be proscriptive. The human heart is a frankly quite bizarre piece of machinery that can twist us all into weird emotional shapes. So I guess if I think about it then, yes, 20-year-old women can marry 70-something men for reasons other than money. And Hugh Hefner types can marry Crystal Harris types for something other than sex.
What those other things might be, though, I'm not sure. If there's 30, 40, even 50 years difference in taste and life experience between you, for example, what have you got to talk about? Maybe my own lack of comprehension arises because I can't imagine conversations that don't revolve around pop music and movies. That's what J and I have talked about for the past 30 years. Does Crystal nod along indulgently when Hugh brings out his old jazz records? And wouldn't Hugh risk tinnitus if Crystal started playing her latest Rihanna download or the new Les Mis soundtrack (3)?
Theoretically I understand you can have conversations about other stuff. It's just not something J and I have ever managed, apart from moaning about work I suppose. What has changed over the years, I guess, is that I now think what I think is as valid as what she thinks. When we first met she seemed so much more grown-up than me. I was slightly in awe of her. Now I reckon we're both probably equally childish, even though we're pretending to be adults. Actually, I'm beginning to think there is no such thing as adults. Yes, we grow upwards but do we ever actually grow up?
In that case maybe it doesn't matter how many years difference there is between partners. Certainly neither of us can pretend we know more about life than the other. Obviously I know more about movies than she does though.
FOOTNOTES
[1] Only joking. I wash the dishes, ooh, at least once a month.
[2] For the moment we'll set aside the fact her character was married to someone else.
[3] Clearly I have no idea as to their actual musical tastes, but I'm guessing Crystal isn't a black metal chick.
Twitter: @TeddyJamieson
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article