SO we return to the subject of those speedy neutrinos.

Or not so speedy, it seems, for now we're told that they haven't been travelling faster than the speed of light at all: they've been dawdling along just like the rest of us, kicking their little neutrino heels, hands in their pockets like a bunch of sullen neutreenagers.

Apparently, the speed discrepancy, which appeared to show them overtaking light, is to do with faulty wiring, some sort of bad connection. Which makes us all wonder: didn't they use the Check-a-Trader leaflet like we do? Don't tell me they can't find it. It's over there, by the phone, next to the cracked mug with all the biros in, a couple of old AA batteries, six paperclips and a rock-hard, filthy piece of Blu-Tack.

You can imagine the scene when the electrician comes over to sort out this mess. "Am I alright out there, or do I need a permit? Tea would be lovely, thanks, cheers, three sugars. Now, let's have a look-" He stands there, gazing up at the enormous Hadron Collider (all right, all right – Large Hadron Collider), hands on hips, hammers and pliers wobbling on his tool belt.

Sipping his tea he stands back, sighs, and wipes his brow. "Phuee, I dunno what to say. Who was it did your wiring, did you say? French, was it? Thing is, it's all going to have to come out. You've got your main-." He walks over to the wall, puts down his tea. "-You've got your main feed here, going into-." And here he turns the nob on the light switch, which dims the lights, but also starts up the machinery which begins to flicker into action. "-Going into your actual Collider itself, which isn't right. Clearly, they should be on different circuits, otherwise, when you turn the lights off, your experiment's up the Swanee.

"Now, I can do you a holding job until you're done with this thing you're doing with all the little bits, but I can't guarantee it'll hold – it's just like, gaffer tape and stuff – but it might work. Personally, I would look at re-wiring, but you're talking a few notes-"

However, the scientists aren't listening. They're worried about a pool of water that has begun to spread out from beneath the door to the kitchen. The lead physicist asks: "You don't know a good plumber, do you?"