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Feeling not so smart about new phone

So I got with the programme and got a new phone ...

sorry, upgraded. Everything to do with phones has an exclusive parlance, it seems. A video call is FaceTime (or Hangouts or ooVoo or some such, depending on whether you're an Apple or an Android). FaceTime? Hilarious. What's a regular call? EarTime?

This phone is full of apps (what you call an application if you are incredibly busy and don't have time for the full word). Physically, it's a big adjustment. Gone are my trusty, big press-able 3D buttons, replaced by a flighty, flat screen where a keyboard appears fleetingly if you hold the phone at a particular angle. A keyboard for leprechauns, that is. For it seems I must have been muddling through life blissfully unaware that I'm particularly fat of finger. For every time I aim my digit in the direction of a letter, I manage to select one, if not all, of the surrounding letters, which has led to some particularly obscure, occasionally comedic, text messages.

On the up side, the headaches have gone. My old phone display used to strobe so badly I had to check for epilepsy when I took it out in company. My new phone has also opened up communication in ways I'd never imagined. Overnight, it becomes my timepiece and somehow - I'm still struggling to fathom how - while scrabbling blindly for it, I managed to call an unknown mobile number at 3.45am. With mounting horror I watched a little green "calling" icon flash into life. I swiped and pressed and whacked like a fiend but to no avail; I couldn't stop the call.

Afterwards, as I lay in a cold sweat, I tried to recall all the unfamiliar numbers I had recently called or been called by. A mortgage adviser, an interviewee. Oh please don't let it be that stuffed shirt about the council tax. A text beeped.

UNKNOWN: "Who is this?"

(Cringe. How to explain in 25 words?)

ME: Er, sorry this is Marisa. I'm not sure who you are but I leaned on my phone and accidentally called your number. SO Sorry.

(Seemingly endless wait.)

UNKNOWN: No problem. I need to get up at 4 and my alarm didn't go off. Have a great day.

(Unexpected result!)

ME: Oh I'm so glad, Have a great day too.

UNKNOWN: This is Ed from London by the way. Where are you? I'd like to take you for lunch to say thank you.

(Eek. Panic.)

ME: Er, Glasgow. Have a great day!!

Experiment with technology over. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish typing this up and catch the last post.

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