IT'S a little early yet, but occasionally something comes along that is just perfect and you know you've got at least one person sorted for the big day.
Can I be the only man who viewed Lady Gaga's fabulous flying dress and thought: "Yes - perfect. She's so going to love that".
This is literally a case of "chocs away". They're not needed anymore (that's using chocs to represent generic, typical presents, you understand - you, of course, are above that).
The singer-turned-couture-pilot unveiled Volantis at a test flight in New York. Yes, this dress even has a name. There isn't enough naming of clothes these days in my book. Hmm, what shall I wear tonight? I know, I'll go for Hector, he's always been a decent jacket, a bit buttoned-up, but a fine fellow.
The "flight" is worth a Google, especially for her interview afterwards. "When we started working on her, we realised her potential for the world and for everyone." Damn right. This dress surely has a future as Unicef ambassador or an emblem of world peace. It will probably address the UN before long. Or perhaps just dress the UN.
But back to Christmas Day. It's going to be one to remember. "Mind yourself there, kids. Mum's just getting strapped in. What's that? Does she get in-flight meals?" It's always your little one with the questions. "I don't know - we'll ask mum when she lands."
Then the six, carbon-fibre cyro-plasmic turbo-booster propulsion modules (yes, this bit has been made up - but only slightly) whirr into action and in a great tornado of wrapping paper and tinsel the mother of your children is off the ground even though she's only had one glass.
But - oh no! She's heading for the French windows (knew we shouldn't have had the room knocked through!). Crash! Mind the green- phew. Just made it. She's singing. "I'm flying through the air ... the people far below ..."
Then, thankfully, we pick up a reassuring voice. It's coming through the Wii. Something must have got messed up with all radio frequencies. "Cabin crew, one minute to landing. Sleeves to manual. Watch out for the sofa." And with a smoothness that is alarming, she's back. How was it?
"I'd like to thank you all for sharing this moment with me, and I feel Volantis and I have contributed to making this planet a better place."
Quick - mum needs a drink. Now!
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