IT seems one of those ironies that while we complain life is short we dedicate such a great deal of time on diversions designed to hasten its end.
From the steps we take to make our hours pass more joyfully – music, art, theatre, dance, red velvet cake – to the pleasures we create that give us less hours to use – cigarettes, alcohol, red velvet cake.
The former are actively encouraged, of course. Extracurricular activities, sport, personal development, all lauded and so they should be. But the vices and sins, the attitude towards those things have grown Puritanical. Smoking, drinking and fat-laden foods attract the worst of attentions, of hyperbole and hysteria.
This week Scottish Public Health Minister Michael Matheson announced further plans to cut the number of smokers to 5% from the current 23%, effectively making the country smoke-free by 2034. Scotland is the first part of the UK to officially support standardised cigarette packaging. A pledge to make all NHS grounds smoke-free by 2015 was also announced and a ban on the display of tobacco products in larger shops and of sales from vending machines will come into force on April 29.
The ban on smoking in public places has reaped health, social and economic benefits, and Mr Matheson, speaking on behalf of the Government, expressed a specific desire to stop children taking up smoking, which is great and logical, obviously.
But while my spirits are always lightened by any Scottish attempt at forward thinking, the stance towards the evil delights in life is tipping from the avuncular to the abstemious.
Smoking gets the worst of it, worse than drinking and obesity. Variously I have read that smoking pregnant mothers are more likely to give birth to criminals and that smoking is worse than crack cocaine. Smokers are the one group of people it's OK to openly vilify because, you know, they're just a bit clatty and they give the rest of us cancer.
Smoking is an addiction, an eternal struggle between logic and desire. You're addicted and you know it's bad and you want to stop or maybe you just don't want to stop. Maybe you quite like smoking. Maybe a cigarette to unwind is a great pleasure. Maybe a cigar once in a while.
And that's OK because you're an adult and you're making an informed choice. The smoking ban was an excellent idea, the only downside was the discovery that pubs and nightclubs smell of flatulence and sweat without being masked by tobacco. But a complete ban is an exercise in the notion that power corrupts.
The original ban was a smart move but a smoke-free country is a sign of politicians mad on victory. I don't smoke and doubt I ever will but I'd rather the option was there than the civil liberties of others were curtailed for my sake.
You may cut out the fags and booze and live to 103 but what's the point of longevity without enjoyment? You may cut out the fags and booze and die of boredom.
I'd be a stone lighter without cake, my own vice, and I'd be miserable. There are better things to ban than pleasure and besides, abstinence just makes the heart grow fonder.
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